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"I can be the person I dream of" - Common App. Macalester Supplement.



Randyhl 8 / 32  
Feb 15, 2010   #1
What factors have led you to consider Macalester College? Why do you believe it may be a good match, and what do you believe you can add to the Mac community, academically and personally?

Feel free to draw on past experiences, and use concrete examples to support your perspective.


"You are such a fag! You are so gay!" are words echoing as I enter the dorms at Cal Poly. Whether they are directed at me or not, that ignorance and lack of respect injures my mind. Those words originated by hatred. I was struck by how relaxed and effortless it is for these kids to say such offensive words.

Everyday, I enter my dorm confused and upset, put down my backpack, then lock the door. My thirst for knowledge is the all that keeps me encouraged and enthusiastic to learn. Early on college life became looking forward to nothing but calculus, physics, and chemistry. Even though my professors at Cal Poly are riveting and exciting, the disorienting 150-person lecture halls and competition for their attention in office hours made even learning a struggle.

My social and academic environment at Cal Poly became uninspiring and intolerant and I challenge the idea that living in the cluttered, and intolerant real world is at all beneficial to me. At Macalester, I will have the opportunity to join those fighting for acceptance and change while simultaneously engaged by small and interactive classes. My motivation and potential as a student and political activist will exponentially increase.

As the main common application explains, I will never accept limits to my potential. I will always pursue paths in life that will feed me more power to positively change the world. As "You fag!" diffuses in my mind, I now refuse to lock my self in my room feeling disgusted. Rather, I will unite with the 1800 Macalesteronians and battle bigotry. Given Macalester's political and academic environment, I can expect a new life of social equality, happiness, and success.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Feb 16, 2010   #2
It's the "person I dream of being." The "person I dream of" sounds like you are talking about a soul mate or something.

Let's do this whole part in the present tense:
"You are such a fag! You are so gay!" these are the first quotes I hear walking through the dorms at Cal Poly. Whether they are directed at me or not, that ignorance and lack of respect offends me. The immense culture clash of intolerance cripples my excitement to meet new people and make my college a comfortable place to be.

The present tense is powerful...

But this notion is underdeveloped. I think you should elongate the paragraph by adding a sentence that clearly says what you mean: I want to choose Macalester because the school "culture and climate" are important to me.

:-)
alicose1010 1 / 1  
Feb 17, 2010   #3
my english is not so well, so i may give you some suggestions on other facets. This is a good essay, however, you should write less about your current school, and write more about Macalester. I suggest you not write so much downside of your current school, but to write more specific on which program or facility you are interested in.
fierna_hartnett 2 / 3  
Feb 17, 2010   #4
this is such a good essay about ur life. but, was it really ur way of life??
never mind..for my self I can't write a good essay like this, really organized (i think).
ya, even though I still found some missed words or sentences, but still good.

just like what the moderator said "the person I dreamt of" is usually directed to someone u r dreaming of. so that's not about u who wanna be.

maybe sometimes we write something doesn't see any grammar or structural, we just see if it is suitable or not to be heard.


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