Hi, I am applying to the University of Austin and was wondering if anyone could give some suggestions for my first essay. I'm having trouble determining whether or not it thoroughly answers the prompt.
Personal Essay 1
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
For some, little incidents are all it takes to change a person and open their eyes. Others, however, require much more for them to finally see clearly. I was one of them. Within the approximately last sixteen years of my life, I have struggled with issues involving self confidence and assertiveness. Words easily affected my emotions and constituted my actions. I never disagreed with anyone out fear that I would be hated. To a stranger, I would seem like the quiet, shy kid who sat in the corner of the classroom. It was not until later that I finally realized that something needed to be done.
It was a hot day, as usual, on a particular Friday afternoon. Knowing that the weekend, a period of peace and tranquility between the endless hours of school and homework, awaited me however, thoughts of sleeping in quickly overwrote the humid, baking weather. Fridays, no matter what time of the year, always put me in a good mood.
I strolled along the path leading to my house, deep in thoughts concerning my weekend agenda and oblivious to the world around me.
"Yes! It's finally Friday!" I thought to myself while unlocking the door after fiddling with the keys for some time.
"I can't wait to-"
As I twisted the doorknob and pushed forward, sounds of clamor immediately embraced me. My body froze as my brain rigorously attempted to process everything. After several seconds, it came to the conclusion that my parents had simply bought new furniture and were moving it into its rightful place, thus explaining the ruckus. This theory, however, proved to be terribly incorrect as a rather undersized Hispanic kid, not my mother or father, of about fourteen years of age walked carelessly by my face.
"Hi...," the boy daringly said.
Another kid had clumsily trotted out from my kitchen, surprised. He immediately ran pass me towards my parents' bedroom.
"Someone's here!" he whispered.
I slowly followed the kid to the entrance of the room only to find another, slightly older boy emerging from my room. He looked at me nervously, holding my video game system. It was then that I finally realized what was taking place: my house had been broken into. Panic grew within me as I reached for my cell phone and began calling for the police. Meanwhile, the three kids fled into my parents' bathroom, abruptly shutting the door. When I had finally opened the door, it was too late; they had managed to squeeze through the broken window upon which they entered. Amidst all the commotion, I had hung up the phone and was not able to reach the police.
After a few minutes' worth of finally soaking in all that had happened, I called my parents. It was only after that did I call the police.
During the days that followed, I replayed the scene in my head several times. I began to wonder: why did I just stand there? I could have immediately called for help or gone to my neighbor. Instead I just stood there, frozen in fear. The thought of this ate me up from the inside, because this was a perfect example of my most important flaw: having no confidence. My lack of confidence prevented me from taking any initiative in life. I finally saw that I needed to change myself. Ever since then, I made it a priority to improve by being more outgoing and less submissive whenever possible. I took advanced courses school to challenge myself and joined a few clubs to help the community. I became much more social and interacted with others rather than remaining quiet while listening to everyone.
Between then and now, I know that I have not yet become the person I envisioned. I do, however, know that I have changed considerably even though it may not appear evident to others: words no longer have as much as a grasp on me as before and I am now more inclined to input my own opinion on any matter, rather than simply agreeing. Though feel a bit of hatred towards those kids, I honestly want to thank them. They had not only broadened my perspectives, but they had also kept me keenly aware of my flaws. I see clearly now that I will not be able to succeed in life unless I have the will and confidence to set a firm grasp on my goals.
Personal Essay 1
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
For some, little incidents are all it takes to change a person and open their eyes. Others, however, require much more for them to finally see clearly. I was one of them. Within the approximately last sixteen years of my life, I have struggled with issues involving self confidence and assertiveness. Words easily affected my emotions and constituted my actions. I never disagreed with anyone out fear that I would be hated. To a stranger, I would seem like the quiet, shy kid who sat in the corner of the classroom. It was not until later that I finally realized that something needed to be done.
It was a hot day, as usual, on a particular Friday afternoon. Knowing that the weekend, a period of peace and tranquility between the endless hours of school and homework, awaited me however, thoughts of sleeping in quickly overwrote the humid, baking weather. Fridays, no matter what time of the year, always put me in a good mood.
I strolled along the path leading to my house, deep in thoughts concerning my weekend agenda and oblivious to the world around me.
"Yes! It's finally Friday!" I thought to myself while unlocking the door after fiddling with the keys for some time.
"I can't wait to-"
As I twisted the doorknob and pushed forward, sounds of clamor immediately embraced me. My body froze as my brain rigorously attempted to process everything. After several seconds, it came to the conclusion that my parents had simply bought new furniture and were moving it into its rightful place, thus explaining the ruckus. This theory, however, proved to be terribly incorrect as a rather undersized Hispanic kid, not my mother or father, of about fourteen years of age walked carelessly by my face.
"Hi...," the boy daringly said.
Another kid had clumsily trotted out from my kitchen, surprised. He immediately ran pass me towards my parents' bedroom.
"Someone's here!" he whispered.
I slowly followed the kid to the entrance of the room only to find another, slightly older boy emerging from my room. He looked at me nervously, holding my video game system. It was then that I finally realized what was taking place: my house had been broken into. Panic grew within me as I reached for my cell phone and began calling for the police. Meanwhile, the three kids fled into my parents' bathroom, abruptly shutting the door. When I had finally opened the door, it was too late; they had managed to squeeze through the broken window upon which they entered. Amidst all the commotion, I had hung up the phone and was not able to reach the police.
After a few minutes' worth of finally soaking in all that had happened, I called my parents. It was only after that did I call the police.
During the days that followed, I replayed the scene in my head several times. I began to wonder: why did I just stand there? I could have immediately called for help or gone to my neighbor. Instead I just stood there, frozen in fear. The thought of this ate me up from the inside, because this was a perfect example of my most important flaw: having no confidence. My lack of confidence prevented me from taking any initiative in life. I finally saw that I needed to change myself. Ever since then, I made it a priority to improve by being more outgoing and less submissive whenever possible. I took advanced courses school to challenge myself and joined a few clubs to help the community. I became much more social and interacted with others rather than remaining quiet while listening to everyone.
Between then and now, I know that I have not yet become the person I envisioned. I do, however, know that I have changed considerably even though it may not appear evident to others: words no longer have as much as a grasp on me as before and I am now more inclined to input my own opinion on any matter, rather than simply agreeing. Though feel a bit of hatred towards those kids, I honestly want to thank them. They had not only broadened my perspectives, but they had also kept me keenly aware of my flaws. I see clearly now that I will not be able to succeed in life unless I have the will and confidence to set a firm grasp on my goals.
