What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?
Growing up is rough. We find out all of the fantasy characters of our childhood have actually been our parents all along. Our princess castles are replaced with desks and math workbooks. Our wishes to go to Disney World are replaced with wishes to an acceptance to our top choice university. As we grow, we often lose the creativity and ambition we once had as children. My favorite movie has always been Peter Pan.
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This is a very good quality essay, I only have a few possible suggestions.
"We find out all of the fantasy characters of our childhood..."
I would leave out "all of" so that the "all along" is more emphatic. Just a nitpicky suggestion.
"...replaced with wishes to an acceptance to our top choice university."
A little awkward, I would replace "an" with "gain" to sound a bit more natural.
"My favorite movie is Peter Pan."
Felt kind of abrupt, it'd be great if you could tie it in with the preceding sentence somehow, like "This price of adulthood is the basis of my favorite movie, Peter Pan," or something along those lines.
"Peter Pan preaches the importance of growing up, but at the same time not losing sight of the dreams you once had."
I would replace "but at the same time not" with "without" for conciseness and clarity.
Overall, I think it could benefit with a little more of a personal element. You touch on the end with how it inspired you, but a specific example of that would be nice. Or you could alter the intro to be less of the generalized "we" and more of your personal POV.
I hope some of these ideas were helpful!
Madison, I have a different take on your essay. I too believe that this is wonderfully written essay that only needs a paragraph rearrangement in order to be more effective in answering the prompt. Let me run my chronological paragraph order for you below and you can decide if you want to use it or not :-)
Start off the same way with the following paragraph:
Growing up is rough. We find out all of the fantasy characters of our childhood have actually been our parents all along. Our princess castles are replaced with desks and math workbooks. Our wishes to go to Disney World are replaced with wishes to an acceptance to our top choice university. As we grow, we often lose the creativity and ambition we once had as children.
Follow it up with:
Peter Pan preaches the importance of growing up, but at the same time not losing sight of the dreams you once had. No matter what dream you wish to accomplish, with a little faith, truth and pixie dust, you can succeed. Moreover, as long as you work hard and are determined, your dreams will become your reality. Throughout my years in high school, I have dedicated myself to my studies and advancing my future, without losing sight of what is important. I believe in order to live a full life you must have dedication and determination, but your heart must be full of happiness and youthful playfulness.
Then close with:
The Darling children were swept away to a magical land where growing up was not a problem, because it did not happen. While in Never Land, the Darling children learned independence, leadership and maturity- essentially inadvertently growing up. When the children returned home, Wendy decided she must grow up, but always kept the sense of adventure and imagination she experienced in Never Land in her heart.
As a final statement, you can talk about how this mindset has been with you all this time and has helped you get through the tougher obstacles you encountered in life, from growing up, to becoming responsible as an adult. Peter Pan, the child who never grew up, was actually a grown up all along who children could emulate.
You can use my rearranged version with the suggested edit of you want to.
Thank you both for your lovely suggestions! I incorporated them both and now here is the new draft
Growing up was rough. I found out the fantasy characters of my childhood were actually my parents all along. My princess castle was replaced with a desk and math workbooks. My wishes to go to Disney World were replaced with wishes for an acceptance to my dream school. In general, as we grow, we often lose the creativity and ambition we once had as children. This price of adulthood is the basis of my favorite movie, Peter Pan.
Peter Pan preaches the importance of growing up, but without losing sight of the dreams you once had. No matter what dream you wish to accomplish, with a little faith, truth and pixie dust, you can succeed. Moreover, as long as you work hard and are determined, your dreams will become your reality. Throughout my years in high school, I have dedicated myself to my studies and advancing my future, without losing sight of what is important. I believe in order to live a full life you must have dedication and determination, but your heart must be full of happiness and youthful playfulness.
The Darling children were swept away to a magical land where growing up was not a problem, because it did not happen. While in Never Land, the Darling children learned independence, leadership and maturity- essentially inadvertently growing up. When the children returned home, Wendy decided she must grow up, but always kept the sense of adventure and imagination she experienced in Never Land in her heart. This lighthearted, yet sensible, mindset has helped me through growing up and eventually becoming a responsible adult. Peter Pan, the boy who never wanted to grow up, was truly the embodiment of an adult that all children, including me, could emulate.
