I was always fascinated by the tale of the phoenix. It would start, "The phoenix was a legendary bird that lived for centuries and then burned to death, rising fresh from its ashes."As a child, I would research the being for hours; I marveled at how a seemingly hopeless bird could come back to life illuminated. As time progressed, my curiosity grew. I tried to discover how it could emerge unchanged, but no answer came. When I explained the phoenix to my classmates in elementary school, they shunned me, preaching video games were what I must like. My different attitude made me question my passion for understanding. The phoenix, which soared in the air, began to plummet.
In school, I was able to understand concepts quickly, always being fascinated at creating different pathways to a solution. Still, when I tried to expose this side to my classmates, the same result followed. The ultimatum soon became to either change or be alone. At one point, everyone else's voice drowned out my own. Being young and naïve, I chose the wrong path. During middle school, my grades dropped. I welcomed my backpack everyday to the crevice under my couch while I explored a virtual reality. Quizzes came with the same mark of mediocrity. Nevertheless, I shrugged them off. Deep down, however, I hated what was becoming of me, the same boy who relished solving algebraic equations from his sister's textbooks. Nevertheless, I strived to fit the norm. I would only find solace researching the phoenix when I was alone. Though a part of me was trying to put the bird to ashes, another desperately tried to keep it alive.
After struggling to not ask questions, what led me to my awakening? I realized all I had been striving to be was not me. I tried to change myself because I felt different; I felt wrong. Video games and goose night were not who I was. Once I realized what was becoming of me, I threw aside everything I had forced myself to tolerate. It was as if an inner self, a core essence, had broken free and taken control. My friends did not like the "new" me, but I told them I did not change; I just found myself again. Soon, others emerged from the abyss with similar passions for understanding, asking me questions and I they. With my newfound friends, we would spend hours philosophizing to learn more about the world around us.
When high school began, I craved one thing: knowledge. I dissected poetic devices, themes, and underlying symbols in Romeo and Juliet just as I did cow hearts in biology. My previous foe that caused me to have a remedial class, math, evolved to become one of my allies. I would spend hours solving extra algebraic equations. While I previously threw up my arms in frustration at not being able to solve equations, I now could not stop until I completed them, no matter how difficult. I became so intrigued in learning that I took a bus everyday to a summer school course, Plane Geometry Honors. Though costly, I funded my passion by selling my once prized Xbox and games. The lesson of hard work soon proved to be true; I had earned all honors classes. At first, the workload was difficult, but rather than detest it, I grew to love it. Still, I yearned for more knowledge than what seven hours could provide. I read Fountainhead by Ayn Rand as well as 1984 by George Orwell. Nothing was better than readings that caused me to reflect on my decisions as well as analyze my surroundings. My guidance counselor was both shocked and impressed that I went from passing to principal's list. Still, it did not faze me; rather than work for good grades, I strived to fuel my passion for learning. To know area integration in AP Calculus or law-making procedure in AP Government astounds me. The phoenix had found its fire again and was soaring in the sky.
I do not take knowledge for granted. I learn everything I can because I feel like I wasted so much time in the past on what I did not love. I continue to research the story of the phoenix, keeping the symbol of light that guided me through a dark time. I came to the conclusion that the phoenix did not return unchanged, but rather brighter than before. My past mistakes resulted in my core essence burning away, but once I found myself again, it regenerated and became brighter than ever. Rather than dwell on my mistakes, I use them to fuel my unyielding passion for knowledge. I now understand I am a phoenix, but I refuse to burn out. I will stay illuminated.
