'Photography Club' - Common App- Short Answer

Hi, these are two different drafts I have written for the Short Answer.

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

1)It all began when I joined the Photography Club in High School. I bought my first camera with the money I was gifted on my 15th birthday. Photography gradually developed into a passion. The sheer joy of capturing a fleeting moment for a lifetime in the roll of my camera was indescribable. In time, my photographs were exhibited on the school bulletin board; and I felt proud. However, I wanted to pursue this further. This past summer, I attended the National Geographic Student Expedition in Ecuador. This was an enlightening experience for me. I learned to create stories with my photographs, and to step outside my comfort zone with portrait photography in a village, many miles away from home. Photography has given me the means to tell different stories of life as seen through my viewfinder. It has enabled me to express myself and share thoughts with people, without barriers of language or culture. I hope to continue pursuing photography through college and share my stories with the world.

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2)It all began when I joined the Photography Club in High School. My first camera was not gifted, but bought by me on my 15th birthday with all the birthday money I received from my family and 2 years of saving my pocket money.

Photography gradually developed into one of my passions. The sheer joy of capturing a fleeting moment for a lifetime in the roll of my camera was indescribable.

In time, my photographs were exhibited on the school bulletin board. A feeling no less grand than an accomplished artist's exhibit at the National Gallery!

I was proud of what I had accomplished, but I wanted to pursue this further. This past summer, I attended the National Geographic Student Expedition in Ecuador. This was one of the most enlightening experiences for me. I learned to create stories with my photographs, and to step outside my comfort zone with portrait photography in a village, a few thousand miles away from home.

Photography has given me the means to tell little and big stories- of life as seen through my viewfinder, to express myself, to share my thoughts with people, without barriers of geography, culture, or language.

I hope to continue pursuing photography through college and share my stories with the world, forever.
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Prefer the first one! Much more personal, the second one seems a bit like you held back.

I learned to create stories with my photographs, and to step outside my comfort zone with portrait photography in a village, many miles away from home.

-I really like the ideas in this sentence, but it does seem a bit long. The part in red seems excessive
Could use:
- In a village far away/faraway
- In a foreign village, far from home.

The ideas itself are great in your first essay!

It all began when I joined the Photography Club in High School. I bought my first camera with the money I was gifted on my 15th birthday. Photography became a passion more than a hobby.

i think youre very creative and your writing is very interesting! though, for the purpose of the written piece, i think you should speak more about why photography is important to you and how big a part of your life it is.