(Please leave commentary and correct my grammar as well.)
! Note: English is not my first language. >_<
Thank you for taking your time reading my essay.
Prompt- Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Sometimes, being independent is a difficult task to hold myself up. However, being independent shaped who I am today. I had to be self-reliant from a young age. I remember the moment that I realized this is at age five. I invited my family to see me performed in a school play. On the day of the play, I didn't see my family in the audience. Although I was very disappointed, I didn't mind the first time. However, as years go on, it saddens me that they weren't there to support me. I am envious of my peer's who have family supporting them, especially when I'm alone at an event waiting to be picked up by my parents.
The lack of support from my parents had effectively impacted my academics. Academically, it was a struggled to learn materials on my own. I could not comprehend materials as much, which resulted my poor tests taking. My memory worsened every day, to the degree that I forget words that was spoken five seconds ago. I discussed my parents with the issue I have; however they did not addressed the issue. I pleaded to offer me a tutor, but they ignored my request. It was a challenge to do well in school alone. I worked twice as hard as other students and obtained average grades. I am proud of myself succeeding independently.
Another struggle I have to face my own is my physical condition. During sophomore year, my back problem prevented me to walk or stand properly, and unable to do daily activities. It was a painful experience. I pleaded my parents to make an appointment with the doctor every single day while I was in pain. A week later, the doctor reported that the condition was severe. My parents believe that I was unable to be to recover. However, the doctor announced I have a ten percent chance to recover if I attend therapy. My parents believed going back and forth to the therapy is a waste of time and money. I wanted to prove my parents wrong that I am able to recover. So I constantly told myself I will be in the ten percentages and I do daily exercises on my own. Two years later my back improved significantly because of my determination.
I have become independent ambitionist. My determination leads my life today. Although I am alone without much support from family and others, I still believed in myself that I could one day reach the goal alone. I like to compare my life to the story of the Tortoise and the Hare, because many doubted the tortoise would win. Although the hare is ahead waiting, I am currently slowly reaching to the finish line
I have become independent ambitionist. My determination leads my life today. Although I am alone without much support from family and others, I still believed in myself that I could one day reach the goal alone. I like to compare my life to the story of the Tortoise and the Hare, because many doubted the tortoise would win. Although the hare is ahead waiting, I am currently slowly reaching to the finish line
Prompt 2:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?"
A question that was asked repeatedly: "What is your favorite hobby?" and I quickly replied art. Since I was fairly young, I love doing activities that sparked my interest. Art was the biggest factor of my life, because art made me fascinated how breathtaking it was created. Not only I was fascinated with art, but computers as well. I was so intrigued how the fundamentals of computers. I was able to merge art and computer together. I am very proud that I was able to continue my hobbies through dedication and interest.
Art made me pondered about if I want to do well in art. I do! I had so many creative ideas to create an artwork, but I lacked skills in order to create the piece. Sometimes, art makes me go insane and makes me fluster when I do not execute what I want. I took a deep breath and proceed in a calm matter, until I understand the techniques and how art flows.
Computers fascinated me as well to see design digitally on a screen. I try to get on the Internet as much as I can when I was young. I stumbled upon a website called Neopets in the third grade, and I saw many graphic designs and themes that fascinated me. It got me interested in designing, which incorporated well in my love for art too.
I had an ambitioned to create theme and designs similar what people are creating and I immediately absorbed everything as much as I can. I was never able to attend classes because I was too young, so I self-taught myself. I tend to get flustered easily when I do not understand the tutorials, so I have read dozens of others tutorials online. For art, I just viewed the picture and mimicked it on a piece of paper. For computer, I browsed through tutorials online. I eventually learned how to use Adobe Photoshop and basic HTML, and successfully created my first very website.
Sometimes, I become displeased when I failed at drawing or coding. However, I still enjoyed what I was creating and it eventually improved my skills. Through art, I learned new techniques. Though computer, I learned new computer skills such as JQUERY, CSS, CC+, and much more.
It always enlightens me when people asked if I could teach them. I happily agreed because I want them to achieve the same skills as I do. People got frustrated when they tried to mimic me. I proceed telling them that skills don't develop overnight; it takes practice.
With the knowledge I have, I created several projects and I am continuing using them today. Currently, I am working on an iPhone application for at least seven months that would one-day benefit teachers and students worldwide. The application I am developing is mainly for students who are forgetful. This application will help notify students the day before if they have homework or have tests or quiz the next day. I want to meet people in college with little to no art experience and teach skills that they might find enjoyable like I did.
The first sentence is unclear. "Sometimes, being independent is a difficult task to hold myself up." I'm not quite sure what you mean here, specifically what you mean by "to hold myself up," since the sentence works fine without it.
In the same paragraph, I would change "I remember the moment that I realized this is at age five. I invited my family to see me performed in a school play" to "I realized this is at age five, when I invited my family to see me perform in a school play."
There are some past/present/future tense issues in the essay that I've fixed below:
Sometimes, being independent is a difficult task to hold myself up. However, being independent shaped who I am today. I had to be self-reliant from a young age. I remember the moment that I realized this is at age five. I invited my family to see me performed in a school play. On the day of the play, I didn't see my family in the audience. Although I was very disappointed, I didn't mind the first time. However, as years went on, it saddened me that they weren't there to support me. I was envious of my peers who had family supporting them, especially when I was alone at an event waiting to be picked up by my parents.
The lack of support from my parents had effectively impacted my academics. Academically, it was a struggled to learn materials on my own. I could not comprehend materials as much, which resulted in my poor test-taking . My memory worsened every day, to the degree that I forgot words that were spoken five seconds ago. I discussed the issue with my parents ; however they did not addressed it . I pleaded to offer me a tutor, but they ignored my request. It was a challenge to do well in school alone. I worked twice as hard as other students and obtained average grades. I am proud of myself succeeding independently.
Another struggle I have to face my own is my physical condition. During sophomore year, my back problem prevented me to walkfrom walking,orstanding properly, anddoing daily activities . It was a painful experience. I pleaded my parents to make an appointment with the doctor every single day while I was in pain. A week later, the doctor reported that the condition was severe. My parents believed that I was unable to be to recover. However, the doctor announced I had a ten percent chance to recover if I attended therapy. My parents believed going back and forth to the therapy was a waste of time and money. I wanted to prove my parents wrong,that I am able to recover. so I constantly told myself I would be in the ten percentages and I did daily exercises on my own. Two years later my back improved significantly because of my determination.
I have become an independent ambitionist. My determination leads my life today. Although I am alone without much support from family and others, I still believed in myself that I could one day reach the goal alone. I like to compare my life to the story of the Tortoise and the Hare, because many doubted the tortoise would win. Although the hare is ahead waiting, I am currently slowly reaching to the finish line
