For Common app activity essay. I've wrote about two of activities.
I love both activities and i don't know which one to pick. please help me choosing one/tell me which one is better choice!!
Plus, since it's my 1st draft, and English isn't my first language, I need a lot of help on grammar/style.
Please critique me on my grammar/style/overall.
Thank you!!
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer).
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I have been playing the piano since I was seven; therefore, I could play quite professionally for my church and several performances. However, about two years ago, I saw an orchestra performing at local theatre, and at that moment, I wanted to join the orchestra so bad. Although the piece was a piano concerto and the soloist was flawless, one piano just couldn't beat the beautiful harmony of seventy different players. That's how I started violin. I started to take some lessons, but my mother couldn't afford money for weekly lessons; therefore, I practiced on my own by watching Youtube clips. After six months, I auditioned for an orchestra, and I was lucky to make it. Now I'm playing first violin at two major orchestra, and I love every aspects of being in the orchestra. It was the time when I felt a great sense of accomplishment.
My friends think of me as a stereotypical Asian because I'm an Asian who is in Asian club. To be honest, the initial reason why I joined the Asian club is because I thought it was mandatory for Asian students. By the time, I was an immigrant from a homogenous country who couldn't even speak English fluently -I was not ready for such a diverse world. However, my friends in the club were the students like me who had overcome the difficulties that I was going through. With their help I could participate school-wide events and perfectly adapt into the new diverse society. I still feel like home when I'm in the club, and now, I want others to experience the same thing. As the president of the club now, I will help students like me to feel like home.
I love both activities and i don't know which one to pick. please help me choosing one/tell me which one is better choice!!
Plus, since it's my 1st draft, and English isn't my first language, I need a lot of help on grammar/style.
Please critique me on my grammar/style/overall.
Thank you!!
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer).
---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------
I have been playing the piano since I was seven; therefore, I could play quite professionally for my church and several performances. However, about two years ago, I saw an orchestra performing at local theatre, and at that moment, I wanted to join the orchestra so bad. Although the piece was a piano concerto and the soloist was flawless, one piano just couldn't beat the beautiful harmony of seventy different players. That's how I started violin. I started to take some lessons, but my mother couldn't afford money for weekly lessons; therefore, I practiced on my own by watching Youtube clips. After six months, I auditioned for an orchestra, and I was lucky to make it. Now I'm playing first violin at two major orchestra, and I love every aspects of being in the orchestra. It was the time when I felt a great sense of accomplishment.
My friends think of me as a stereotypical Asian because I'm an Asian who is in Asian club. To be honest, the initial reason why I joined the Asian club is because I thought it was mandatory for Asian students. By the time, I was an immigrant from a homogenous country who couldn't even speak English fluently -I was not ready for such a diverse world. However, my friends in the club were the students like me who had overcome the difficulties that I was going through. With their help I could participate school-wide events and perfectly adapt into the new diverse society. I still feel like home when I'm in the club, and now, I want others to experience the same thing. As the president of the club now, I will help students like me to feel like home.