This is my first time doing this and I'm not entirely sure what to expect. At any rate any recommendations, insight or constructive criticism is welcomed. As of now I'm determining if my points of emphasis makes the essay as effective as it could be.
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
To help aid with context, at my school, Midland, the Prefect System gives seniors tremendous responsibility for the well-being of younger students. Each year, the faculty selects 12 senior Class Prefects. These prefects teach their prefectees about Midland's philosophy and traditions, and they act as positive role models, counselors, and guides. Two Head Prefects oversee the Class Prefects and the Job System (assigning jobs and making sure they are done well), and they are the primary liaison between the Headmaster and the students. Head Prefects also play an important role in disciplinary matters, working together with teachers through the student-faculty council.
Pivotal Decisions
At thirteen years old I was plunged into a world of revelation when a student at my school joked about how he couldn't see me in the dark after we got out late from a school play. Word spread quickly prompting seven more of my classmates to jeer at me as I struggled to appear nonchalant. The comment stung more than I anticipated given I was coming to terms with an identity I'd been oblivious to before. For the first time in my life I was left feeling alienated as I noticed how my own dark complexion contrasted with the lighter ones around me. Since that moment I became in increasingly sensitive to being an African American adopted into a Caucasian family and growing up in a white community. Not knowing my biological parents created the painful experience of not being to identify with my roots. As a result I felt so insecure, I isolated myself from everybody except close friends. When my grades and confidence began to wane, my parents enrolled me at Midland School, a change that was disorienting and difficult to adjust to. By the end of freshman year, I had deep reservations about being there and it showed in my performance.
The following summer, my parents and I got into an argument about my lack of motivation. With fists clenched and struggling to keep composure, I escaped to my room. There I knew my sanctuary of thick walls would muffle my parent's angry comments as I reflected my predicament. I sank onto my bed, weighed down by the accumulation things leading to the argument and the deep, paralyzing feeling of not knowing what to do. Looking up, I noticed a short list of proverbs my mom placed on my wall. One said "You can't change what you don't acknowledge". I realized then taking responsibility for my welfare gave me the power to change it. The idea was so simple and insightful I thought it just might work. Besides, I was tired of my insecurity, my carelessness and how my behavior affected the people around me. I made the conscious decision to improve my grades and feel secure being who I am.
Last summer, I was in my room again when I received an email from Midland's Headmaster. It read, "It's my honor to tell you you've been chosen by the faculty to be a Head Prefect in addition to being Junior Prefect for this upcoming school year". "No way," I muttered. Moments later I became aware I'd stopped breathing. I tore my eyes away from the screen with my heart beating fast. Hesitantly, I turned back in disbelief and re-read it. Then I read it again out loud, slowly, just to make sure. There was no debate. I had been awarded two of the most prestigious positions a leading senior could receive. Being so focused on improving myself over the last two years, I had paid little attention to what people thought of my actions since freshman year. I guess everyone else had noticed. I sank down on my bed, like so many times before and glanced up at the old proverb list with a smile.
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
To help aid with context, at my school, Midland, the Prefect System gives seniors tremendous responsibility for the well-being of younger students. Each year, the faculty selects 12 senior Class Prefects. These prefects teach their prefectees about Midland's philosophy and traditions, and they act as positive role models, counselors, and guides. Two Head Prefects oversee the Class Prefects and the Job System (assigning jobs and making sure they are done well), and they are the primary liaison between the Headmaster and the students. Head Prefects also play an important role in disciplinary matters, working together with teachers through the student-faculty council.
Pivotal Decisions
At thirteen years old I was plunged into a world of revelation when a student at my school joked about how he couldn't see me in the dark after we got out late from a school play. Word spread quickly prompting seven more of my classmates to jeer at me as I struggled to appear nonchalant. The comment stung more than I anticipated given I was coming to terms with an identity I'd been oblivious to before. For the first time in my life I was left feeling alienated as I noticed how my own dark complexion contrasted with the lighter ones around me. Since that moment I became in increasingly sensitive to being an African American adopted into a Caucasian family and growing up in a white community. Not knowing my biological parents created the painful experience of not being to identify with my roots. As a result I felt so insecure, I isolated myself from everybody except close friends. When my grades and confidence began to wane, my parents enrolled me at Midland School, a change that was disorienting and difficult to adjust to. By the end of freshman year, I had deep reservations about being there and it showed in my performance.
The following summer, my parents and I got into an argument about my lack of motivation. With fists clenched and struggling to keep composure, I escaped to my room. There I knew my sanctuary of thick walls would muffle my parent's angry comments as I reflected my predicament. I sank onto my bed, weighed down by the accumulation things leading to the argument and the deep, paralyzing feeling of not knowing what to do. Looking up, I noticed a short list of proverbs my mom placed on my wall. One said "You can't change what you don't acknowledge". I realized then taking responsibility for my welfare gave me the power to change it. The idea was so simple and insightful I thought it just might work. Besides, I was tired of my insecurity, my carelessness and how my behavior affected the people around me. I made the conscious decision to improve my grades and feel secure being who I am.
Last summer, I was in my room again when I received an email from Midland's Headmaster. It read, "It's my honor to tell you you've been chosen by the faculty to be a Head Prefect in addition to being Junior Prefect for this upcoming school year". "No way," I muttered. Moments later I became aware I'd stopped breathing. I tore my eyes away from the screen with my heart beating fast. Hesitantly, I turned back in disbelief and re-read it. Then I read it again out loud, slowly, just to make sure. There was no debate. I had been awarded two of the most prestigious positions a leading senior could receive. Being so focused on improving myself over the last two years, I had paid little attention to what people thought of my actions since freshman year. I guess everyone else had noticed. I sank down on my bed, like so many times before and glanced up at the old proverb list with a smile.
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