'pizza from Pizza My Heart' - Stanford Supplement "Roommate Letter"

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate-and us-know you better.

Howdy bro,

Hope that I didn't freak you out when you first entered the dorm room. This is not a Nike workshop, rather, come and meet my vault: pirate headbands, a pair of Nike Air Troupe, two training arm bands... As a dancer, these are my ammunitions.

Yeah, I know I'm at the Farm, but dancing is always half of my life. I love dancing for those simple moves aren't just a test of agility but a test of my creativity. Breaking is a blank sheet of paper that you can add whatever you like on it. With no set moves, I enjoy the chances of creating new moves and combos that offer others visual sensations. With infinite ways waiting to be explored to express myself through the moves, my creativity will only get bolder and more "freestyle" as I tries to dig out the artistic potential in me. I will be super happy to have you join me in this process, drawing out poses on a piece of paper that you think is unique and we can try it out afterwards. Actually, I have lately modified the "Nike Freeze" move so that it fits my style better so that I can easily make transitions to other moves. This I will be glad to show it to you while we wait for pizza from Pizza My Heart.

Besides, dancing is also is the door to another world. Once the music hits, I feel there is no gravity to pull me down anymore. Though be WARNED that the spirit is highly contiguous and will influence everybody around me. People watching me can also feel their adrenaline rushing and have the impulse to tap their feet or move kick their legs a bit. Back in the dorm, a stretch of arms, a twist of legs, the moves pumps out positive vibes that will dominate your mind and leave no room for your despair over a ten-page long history assignment. Sure, you can come to me if you want to learn a few tricks and bring more vitality to others on the Farm. Maybe we can creep up ten minutes earlier every morning and train.

Can't wait team up with you in Stanford,
Steve

Thanks a lot guys!!!

It's really good! That's a great prompt, I wish the schools I was applying to had a prompt like that.
But I am really confused about a lot of the references in your essay. "the Farm", "Nike Air Troupe", "training arm bands", "breaking", "Nike Freeze", "Pizza my heart"? I have no idea what these terms mean. Maybe some of these you'd have to know the school to understand, but I think you should assume your readers know nothing about dancing and offer a little more explanation.

The sentence "This is not a Nike workshop, rather, come and meet my vault: pirate headbands, a pair of Nike Air Troupe, two training arm bands... As a dancer, these are my ammunitions," seems like it needs grammatical work, but I'm not entirely sure how you'd phrase it right. You should get rid of the "..." for sure.

""freestyle" as I try." I don't think warned should be all caps. "spirit is highly contagious" "Can't wait to team up with you in Stanford."

I'll surely change those wordings. Need to be aware of my audiences. Thanks macybee. I'll polish it again and see what else can i come up with.