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place filled with opportunities and freedom - is topic is too common or not.



HulloKitty 1 / 1  
Nov 25, 2009   #1
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Growing up in a place filled with opportunities and freedom, it's not surprising when people often take it for granted. I have learned to appreciate everything I have, even the things that seem common to have in America such as my own room, running hot water, and at least three meals a day. I've heard about how in many countries the government is corrupted and the citizens live in poor conditions. However, I never had a good idea of what it was like until I saw a documentary about children in Uganda, Africa being abducted and used as child soldiers to fight in an ongoing war for over 20 years, it was called Invisible Children.

I looked into the organization and started researching information about the cause. I couldn't imagine what it was like to live like them; to live in fear that you could be abducted from your friends and family at any second. In fact, I learned that many of them had already lost their family, didn't have a home, and rarely had enough food. I was given an opportunity to experience what it was like to live like them for one night at an event called Displace Me. The event was created by people part of the Invisible Children organization and it was a night I will never forget. Everyone was to build their beds out of cardboard and only had saltine crackers to eat for the entire day. As I was laying down on my cardboard box, I thought about how terrible it must be to have to live like this, in the freezing cold and starving. After that night, I felt accomplished that I had stayed there for the night and didn't just go home to sleep in the comfort of my own bed or go to McDonalds first thing in the morning for breakfast.

I joined the club at my high school and became the secretary my sophomore year of high school. I have always had fun helping out other individuals who aren't as fortunate as I am. Being part of a club that helps so many kids who are put in terrible situations is a reward for myself, knowing that I am part of a movement that's helping kids makes me feel like I'm making a difference.

july723 2 / 6  
Nov 25, 2009   #2
I dont think this is too common because i havent read any other essays about Invisible Children.
But i feel that you should should orgainze your essay a bit more and go in depth about how it realates to you, and why it makes you proud.
Godizgood 3 / 18  
Nov 25, 2009   #3
hello
talk about how the experience makes you who you are today
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 27, 2009   #4
It is not surprising that people who grow up in the presence of freedom and opportunity begin to take those things for granted. ------> I did not know how to explain what was wrong with that first sentence, so I just gave you this alternative.

...even the things that seem common to have in America such as my own room, running hot water, and at least three meals a day.

(Above) Sometimes unnecessary words detract from the quality of the experience a writer provides for the reader of an essay.

After that night, I felt a sense of accomplishment for having stayed there for the night rather than just going home to sleep in the comfort of my own bed and going to McDonalds first thing in the morning for breakfast.

This is a good choice of topic. You must be a great person; I like this essay.
OP HulloKitty 1 / 1  
Nov 27, 2009   #5
Thanks everyone! All these comments are very helpful:)


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