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From a plagiarized song to the song of the year - from a failure to the success



rohittiwari 2 / -  
Dec 14, 2016   #1
common app essay prompt 2:

The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success

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I was always passionate about music and my passion forced me to find the music club of my school. We were the best. Never had my school seen a defeat in any music competition. My group had shone bright everywhere until the dark shadows of a massive failure were casted upon us.

The results of the National Itihaas Group Song Competition 2015 were bolts from the blue. We did perform in the finals but didn't get any award. Moreover, the judges commented, "The second group was awesome. It gave competition to the winners but its presentation was copied from somewhere. I've heard same composition and music somewhere." It struck me in my heart. He was referring to us. All were calling us cheaters. However, It was somewhat true. The reason for our failure was justified enough to exist. Not whole but some part of music and composition had been copied. It was my fault. I was the leader. I had been the cause of dejection in fifteen of my best friends. Even I broke down while supporting my group members. I knew I had been overshadowed by characters of personalities. I was not myself.

I had failed because my group wasn't unique. I learnt that one has to be different in order to stand out in the obvious crowd and become outstanding. People discussed us for few moments and then we were pushed into the depths of oblivion.

I still had a second chance. I could prove my group to be the best and I was damn sure about it. My uncle had once said, "A person who fails a thousand times knows a thousand ways of avoiding failure." It was true. I knew I had been running behind people without realising that I myself was left behind. I had to discover myself and hence become the best version of me.

I had to prepare my group for victory this time. The National Itihaas Group song competition 2016 awaited us to recognize as the best performers. My group still had faith in me and so I was still the president of music club. Although I had taken the blot of losing in the recent competition on myself, everyone knew that I alone was not at fault but I had done it to save all from the consequences of taking the blame of the failure. All trusted me and were ready to work with me even full day and night without complaining.

Unlike the last year's competition, this year finalists had to present a song on a common theme. The theme was 'street sounds'. They had given us two crystal months to present the best which we could.

This time I didn't limit my group to monotonous practice inside music room with harangues on the topic in order to produce lyrics and composition but I took them out. We spent long days on village streets observing and enjoying the real music on the streets. We collected the voices of horns, vendors, and several instruments like bells and arranged them to form a musical harmony. We spent long days practising our own composition and music. These were my ideas. I had started to find me as a person now. The last competition had been a great failure but this year we had to prove our grandeur among all.

'SONG OF THE YEAR', at last, I felt being on the ninth cloud as my group literally rushed to the stages with shouts of glorified victory. We had proved out to be the best. The judges congratulated as they said that we had made them realise the real music floating in the streets. It was awesome. We had won.

The recent year's failure had built the fundamentals of our success. I was a proud president of the music club of my school. I had found myself. This journey of mine from great failure to worthy success made me encounter a necessary transition of character in myself. Since then, I strongly believe that I am the best suited person I can be like. No one will ever be as good at being myself as I am.

abdon786 4 / 9  
Dec 14, 2016   #2
@rohittiwari
I think you have made your failure explicit i the essay.
But,still rephrasing of the sentences and writing it again will improve your essay.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15384  
Dec 14, 2016   #3
Rohit, the essay asks about your failure so the slant of your presentation is wrong. The failure presented in the current version of your essay is two-fold. That of your failure and the failure of your group. That is an incorrect focus for the essay. You should only focus on your failure and the lessons learned should be one that is applicable to your development as a person. While you did present the latter in this essay, the problem, is that the essay shows you overcoming a personal and a group failure simultaneously. As such, the focus of the reviewer will be divided and he will not be able to properly assess your failure and the lessons that you took away from it so that you could be a future success.

Therefore, the essay you presented needs to be revised to only represent your failure and how you recovered from it. Leave the group angle out of the essay because that prevents you from properly developing your personal failure and recovery from that failure. It might be better if your choose a different failure to discuss. One that focuses on you alone instead of both you and the group. Keep the focus of the essay on you. This is not a group prompt discussion. It is a personal discussion and should be represented as such in your narrative.


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