Hello, This is Arthav here. I'll be applying to US Universities this year as for the Freshman Class Of 2021. I intend to get into Princeton, so I want it to be a Ivy-acceptance-level essay. The following is the essay which I have written as my Common App personal statement. I have tried to showcase my interest in BADMINTON. Any help/suggestions for improving my essay is appreciated. Thank You!
Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
Word count: 644 (including the title)
PLAYIN' IT THE RIGHT WAY
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AN INDOOR GUY. Maybe because I never found friends I could play with. Nevertheless, even after staying indoors for 16 years of my life, the little OUTDOOR KID inside me didn't perish.
I was 9 years old when I first hit the shuttlecock with a racquet. My dad taught me how to play badminton, but I used to play like any other 9 year old would. Over the years, I thought of joining coaching classes but something always got in the way -be it money problems or time constraints. Consequently, I never found my "coach", until my junior year.
November 18th, 2015 was supposed to be a regular day. Well, it was, until 6pm. I met Ashish, a friend from school, outside the grocery store. Chemistry homework and Math problems got us talking. During the course of conversation, he asked whether I liked playing badminton or not, as he had friends coming to his place at night for the game. Having heard about the chance to play badminton, I was so pumped up that I agreed even before he could complete his invitation. Later that night, having gormandized over a chicken and being warned by mom not to make it late, I grabbed my racquet and left.
It was 9:30pm. When I reached at his place after a brisk 5-minute walk, I noticed there was a court laid on the driveway with the nets put on. It kinda made me feel queasy as I was about to play badminton after 6 years and that too on a court!
Ashish introduced me to his friends. When I told them that I didn't actually know the "court" rules, they assured me that I would learn the rules in no time as I was introduced as a "quick learner" to them. After being explained the rules half a dozen times, I finally entered the court for my first match. It didn't take much time for me to lose with a score 0-7. Feeling smirched, I made up a false excuse of undone homework and surged back home.
Having eluded the plan for almost a week, I returned to Ashish's place after nine days. Since none of his friends could make it, being the only two, we played continuous matches. This time he made it a point that I understood all the rules, skills and strategies necessary to tower over the sport. Later on, we practiced every day. Initially I did lose almost every match, but within a week things ameliorated.
He explained me all smart and treacherous moves. He taught me everything, be it serving or smashing. I got better with my strokes, especially the backhand ones. Sharp serves and direct smashes were no longer my weaknesses as well. I even learned to gravel the opponent by slicing the shuttlecock in such a way that it deviates to the other side of its court. After an hour long practice for almost 10 days, I was finally giving Ashish a "tough" match. Once I even missed my 11o'clock deadline and returned home at midnight after a triumphant game.
Today, although in senior year, we somehow manage to find time to play badminton every Sunday evening. As a result, I don't dither to challenge any professional badminton player for a game anymore.
Now, I no longer want to play just for myself but rather wish to play for people, for a team, my college team! For all I know, when a shuttlecock enters your court, you have to make the right move at the right moment and hit it because that's what you owe to the game, to yourself, to life, and as far as the shuttlecock is concerned, I know it will be in your court soon, YOU JUST NEED TO PICK UP THE RACQUET AND START PLAYING.
Hai buddy, I'll try to help you as much as I can do.
Try to use punctuation to make your sentence clear. bcause I thought in your first sentence is a dependent clause so u need to make it clear by connected your first sentence to your other sentence, and in your second sentence if it's the past moment in your life or an action that happen around a time or around another action, try to using past continuous form in your sentence.
Just a little bit correct that I can made for you.
"I have always been an indoor guy, because I was never found a friends who I could play for. "
2. the little OUTDOOR KID inside me didn't perish
If you writting an official letter, it will much better if you avoid to using contraction in your sentence.
3.but I used to play like any other 9 year old would .
"but I play like any other 9 years old."
4. I don'tam not dither to challenge any professional badminton players for athe game anymore.
5. ... to play for people, for athe team,and my college team!
6. ... at the right moment and hit it because that's what you owe to the game
"You need to make a right move at the right time and hit it because that is what you owe to the game."
that is a little correction that I made for you, I wish all the best for your process through the process for your application.
Maybe because I never found friends
it's better to write in present perfect tense
....i have never found friends.. ..
I thought of joining coaching classes
....i thought to join a coaching class...
I was so pumped up thatthen I agreed even before ...
To show a sequential event you should use 'then'
I no longer want to play just for myself but rather wish to play for people, for a team, my college team!
Now, i am eager to play in a team profesionally
Hi Arthavmane,
- I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AN INDOOR GUY. Maybe because I never found friends I could play with.
I have always been a guy who prefer to stay indoor because I have never found a friend who i can play with.
- I was 9 years old when I first hit the shuttlecock with a racquet for the first time .
- I met Ashish who is a friend from school...
- ... rather wish to play for other people, for athe team, and my college team
Hopefully it helps.
