Here is the writing that I'm going to submit in my Common App. I was just wondering if someone could read/edit/critique it for me. Any help would be much appreciated. Thank you
Even though I've been playing hockey most of my life, the past few months have helped me learn unforgettable life lesson. Playing hockey is simple, but befriending someone from a different country is a little more daunting. 7 boys from Russia joined my team and me as we faced teams from all over the east coast. These boys came here hoping to win a championship. However, in sports, winning isn't necessarily everything. Sometimes making a bond with your team is more important than what's on the scoreboard. Our team was successful, but what truly made this season stand out was how, even though not everyone came from the same background, we all managed to come together and form a family, a brotherhood; something more than a team. It didn't matter who was from where; all that mattered was that everyone was happy. We helped the Russians learn English and ultimately made them feel comfortable in a country that is thousands of miles away from theirs. This team, and those boys, helped me realize hockey is more than just a game; it's a way of life and can result in lifelong, inseparable friendships that are impossible to forget.
Even though I've been playing hockey most of my life, the past few months have helped me learn unforgettable life lesson. Playing hockey is simple, but befriending someone from a different country is a little more daunting. 7 boys from Russia joined my team and me as we faced teams from all over the east coast. These boys came here hoping to win a championship. However, in sports, winning isn't necessarily everything. Sometimes making a bond with your team is more important than what's on the scoreboard. Our team was successful, but what truly made this season stand out was how, even though not everyone came from the same background, we all managed to come together and form a family, a brotherhood; something more than a team. It didn't matter who was from where; all that mattered was that everyone was happy. We helped the Russians learn English and ultimately made them feel comfortable in a country that is thousands of miles away from theirs. This team, and those boys, helped me realize hockey is more than just a game; it's a way of life and can result in lifelong, inseparable friendships that are impossible to forget.
