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'while playing soccer in the mud' - Activity essay for Commonapp


CollegeBound12 1 / -  
Nov 6, 2011   #1
Six years ago, while playing soccer in the mud-covered streets of Lagos, Nigeria, I discovered that soccer, in all of its complexities, is simply, the greatest game ever. Its complexities - the continuous running, yelling, marking, passing, and positioning - are all, literally, in order to achieve one goal. But in the moment of achievement of that one goal is relief and triumph, a feeling that has fueled my untiring love and led me to the Varsity squad of Classical High School's Boys soccer. However, at Classical it isn't the excitement that I cherish as a soccer player. It isn't the copious clean-sheets or last year's undefeated record that I value as a Defender on the soccer team. What I value, instead, is the leadership that I display on the field and in the locker-room - by guiding younger players through positive examples, and stimulating energy with my poorly organized "inspirational speeches". For me, at Classical it's not just about goals or standings, it's about leadership.
jrciii 1 / 7  
Nov 7, 2011   #2
The imagery in the first line is good. And the essay has good direction I feel however that you need to add how playing soccer and it giving you leadership will help you be successful in college. The poorly organized inspiration speeches thing is interesting too. It could work but you may want to get another opinion on the word combination of poorly organized. Good luck


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