"playing soccer" - a time when you have surprised others or yourself, ND

ND supplement

- 4. Tell us about a time when you have surprised others or yourself by doing something unexpected.

I had been playing soccer since around the first grade. I had played defense, forward and was currently goalkeeper. People, as well as I, were used to see me as a substitute, entering in the final moments, not expecting much from me. Sometimes I made errors that would cause critics from both my teammates and their parents. But I kept going, Mondays through Fridays. If there was something the coach highlighted about me was my perfect assistance. So year after year I kept assisting to the training sessions, while other players came and went. One year came when the current goalkeeper left the team and other prospects made an effort to fill in the vacant position. I kept training, focusing on my own improvement. I was a significantly better player. One day the manager approached me and informed me that I would be in the starting eleven for the next game. I was nervous but not willing to give up my progress. I stood up to the challenge and surprised everyone with a great performance. After the game some people approached me and congratulated me with certain contrition on their faces. I kept my position on the team and even represented the school in an international tournament in Minnesota.

It is 209 words and must be around 150... any help will be greatly appreciated

I have been playing soccer since first grade. I played in different positions, such as, defense, forward, and goal keeper. Most of the time I have been a substitute, coaches have used me only for the last few minutes of the game. They weren't expecting much from me. Sometimes I would make errors that I would be criticized by teammates, parents and coach. The only positive highlight in the game was that I always was present to most of the games. So year after year I kept a good attendance to the practices and the game.

Try to say " I started the game from the beginning." and not the starting eleven.

For some reason, I laughed uncontrollably when I read the prompt. If I had to write about things I have done unexpectedly, it would be a funny essay about some horrifying experience I brought on myself. I have done some pretty unexpected things due to poor judgment.

With this essay, it just does not seem very unexpected. It is a great accomplishment, though. I hope you can build more tension by writing about a situation that got worse and worse, until at the end you suddenly earned this great position as goalkeeper...

You have to revise the essay so that instead of gradually explaining your process of earning the position you gradually make it seem more and more hopeless and then suddenly surprise the reader at the end. Also, try to think of a clever word that can be the "theme" or "lesson" behind the essay.