Plumbing, working with my dad--Common App Short Answer

Hey guys! I just wrote this this morning. I'm frantically struggling to finish my final few college essays and i just would like any input you have or ways to revise it. Thanks so much

I began working with my dad the summer before first grade. He pursues a occupation that most people joke about. Plumbing is different than any other activity i have experienced. Being exposed to this trade at such a young age has given me a glimpse of what life will be like after school. It has shown me that hard work is a necessary ingredient in life. Nothing great was ever accomplished without hard work and the determination to succeed. When working with my dad, I am synthesized with the rich and the poor. We have worked for everyone; high school drop outs to brain surgeons. As i glance at my future, i realize that working to my full potential now will pay off later. Over the past few years, I have been trying to devise an outline of my future, and working with my dad has helped to put me on a road that will lead to success.

mmh, i think you could approach this essay slightly differently.

For instance

"I began working with my dad the summer before first grade. To me, my dad is a hero. He works day in and day out, without a complaint. But regardless of my admiration towards my dad and his occupation, others snigger behind his back. You see, my dad is a plumber..."

and so on.

I think your essay could be very powerful, as your dad represents hard work and diligence, regardless of public opinion.

But be careful not to focus your essay on your dad. Its about you, not him!

(It has shown me that hard work is a necessary ingredient in life. Nothing great was ever accomplished without hard work and the determination to succeed.) You should try to make it flow. Try: It has shown me that hard work is a necessary ingredient in life;nothing great was ever accomplished without hard work and the determination to succeed. (We have worked for everyone; high school drop outs to brain surgeons.) Try: We have worked for everyone, from high school drop outs to brain surgeons as well.