Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
Imagine flinging yourself eight feet straight up into the sky with every intention of plummeting back down to Earth. This is what I do every spring as a pole-vaulter. I joined track when I was a junior, for the second year. The year prior, I had participated in long jump and triple jump, neither of which I was passionate about. I felt as though the other athletes in the event had an advantage because they had been jumping for several years, whereas I had only just begun. They, naturally, received more attention and training from the coaches, and improved terrifically because of it. I, on the other hand, received little to no training because I was not the one the coaches believed would win the meets. I did not enjoy feeling unusable, so I decided to find an event where I could have fun and actually participate in meets.
Pole-vaulting is not a popular event in track at my school; there are maybe five or six girls participating per year. It looked very interesting and potentially fun, so I decided to try it. Because there were so few participants, I thought that I would get the most individual training from the coaches, and therefore have the best chance of succeeding. I was extremely intimidated by the thought of flinging myself into the air, supported only by a thin pole, only one inch in diameter. The returning vaulters attempted to teach me the misleadingly complex stages. As you count your steps according to a pre-set rhythm, you must simultaneously position your pole with a spot on your body in accordance to the stage you are on. For example, at stage three, your pole should be near the middle of your stomach and your right hand should be in the process of lifting the pole towards your ear. If you lower the pole too early, you will lose momentum and will not be able to go as high. If you lower the pole too late, you risk missing the metal base at the end of the runway where you stabilize your pole and flinging yourself backwards onto the runway. I know from experience that it is extremely painful. I had a very difficult time mastering these steps. I would consistently almost fly into the metal side poles because I was so afraid of pole-vaulting at full speed. You need a great deal of momentum to fly straight, so you have to sprint down the runway as fast as you could. I was very fearful about this because I felt as though I would simply fall over and land flat on my face. I did not conquer this fear until the season was half over and the championship meets were beginning.
I was placed on the Junior Varsity team because I could only get over very low heights. My record after the JV Championship meet was a mere six feet, the height at which most meets begin. I was disappointed that I could not do any better. I told myself that I had to overcome the fear of pole-vaulting at full speed because I would not be able to go any higher if I continued to let fear control my performance. I knew my game was completely mental and I had to change the way I thought about competing in order to do well. Running slowly would not help me succeed. It could, in fact, injure me quite severely. I realized to pole vault well, I had to attack the vault. I had to sprint as fast as I could, shove my pole down into the ground with as much force as possible, and kick my legs into the air as hard as I could in order to do well. The next week, at the Varsity Championship trial meet, I flew over eight feet, high enough to qualify for the State Championship meet. I was beyond excited because I had never participated in a State's meet, nor had I ever done well in an athletic event. I was very proud because I had earned that spot in the State's meet entirely on my own. I did not break my record of eight feet at the Varsity Championship, but that did not matter to me. I had overcome my fear and had become a decent pole-vaulter. I plan to break my record this upcoming season and hopefully qualify for the State Championship meet one last time.
I work through problems in life by changing my mindset because I realize that though I cannot change the situation, I can change the way I look at it. I do not mope about hardships because I know that solving the problem will give me much more satisfaction than giving up. My grandmother, a refugee from Vietnam who became a self-made millionaire, taught me that I could do or be anything as long as I put a sufficient amount of work into reaching my goals. I try to apply this work ethic to everything I do, from schoolwork to paid work to personal or social problems. I believe that being successful is based almost entirely on what you believe you are able to and how much work you are willing to put in to achieving your dreams.
I personally think it is a very good essay: easy to read and descriptive. I just think you lack slightly in explaining how you benefitted from participating in pole-vaulting. If you can add examples in which you applied your learnings from polevaulting, it would be even better!
I think it is best to change "you" to "I" every time it appears. Do not preach to "you" the reader but instead reflect on what "I" experienced. I think that is usually a better way to write this kind of essay.
I believe that being successful is based almost entirely on what you believe you are able to do and how much work you are willing to put in to achieving your dreams.
This essay has a nice theme, but it is a theme everyone is already familiar with. I think you should give FEWER details about the actual events involved in pole vaulting and MORE details about your reflection on it and how this theme -- believing in your limitless potential -- can apply in the field you are going to prepare for in college. This is already a great essay, but if you want to make it better cut out some of the content that tells the reader things she already knows about pole vaulting, etc, and add some of those connections between the "moral of the story" and the direction you are taking in college.
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