'Positive work ethic' qualites and characteristics that contribute to UCF community?

Jayden Beachamp is often called a noble man, and I try to live up to that. I am a 17 year-old, Haitian-American young man that attends North Miami Senior High School, Class of 2012. I am in the Health Academy, currently enrolled in an organization called HOSA (Health Occupation Students of America). This organization helps me in reaching my goal to become a successful in anything I plan on putting my mind to.

Through HOSA I was able to mature quickly as they were preparing me for the real world and developed many qualities that will have play a great role as I attend UCF. One characteristic I have is compassion. Without it the world would be a cruel, lonely, and evil place to live. It helps me and others get through the day. You must first have compassion in order to be truly motivated in what you try to attain. The most important thing in this world is other people. If you don't care they won't either. If you are mean to people you are making this world a worse place to live in. You must understand and feel for others so that they feel comforted.

Another aspect one should have in order to contribute to the UCF community is to have a Positive work ethic. Before this life is through you will have to do a lot of stuff, hard stuff. And, without a positive spin on it you will hate every minute of it. You will have to work into your 60's you will have to exercise and eat right, the list goes on. If you cannot make it fun and enjoy it life is going to suck! You must enjoy going to the gym. You must enjoy studying. Like Mary Poppins says "a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down".

Someone please help me with what I can do to make this essay a great one. Thanks in advance for those who take the time to help me God Bless :)

I am in the Health Academy, currently enrolled in an organization called Health Occupation Students of America (HOSA).

If you don't care they won't will not either. [Try not to use contractions, I remember that being a general rule in one of my English classes. It helps the essay sound more formal and professional]

..."Positive positive work ethic."

Before this life is through you will have to do a lot of stuff, hard stuff. [ I would suggest something more like "During your lifetime you will endure several hardships and obstacles before reaching your goal" (then combine it with your next sentence). Do the same for the following sentences. :) ]

I hope I helped somewhat :)