Poverty - Common App. Essay on a National Concern to You

My essay topic was: Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

I am half- way there, I just need to find a way to end it, this has me confused kind of, also I want to find ways to help personalize and make it my own

Suggestions are wanted and needed :)

Thank You !

Poverty, the state of one who lacks a usual or socially acceptable amount of money or material possessions. Over twenty-five thousand children in the United States of America die due to poverty. Many children do not have adequate supplies of water and food to sustain long lives, leaving them underweighted and underfed. In America alone about sixteen million children live in food-insecure homes. While it is not highly thought of, poverty is a leading factor in teenage pregnancy and homelessness.

Throughout my life, consistently volunteering at food pantries has allowed me the opportunity to learn about childhood hunger. Over nine million children are served by food pantries and soup kitchens. One out of four children are in homes where food is not a secure source. While volunteering, I was dumbfounded by the large amount of children not given the ability to eat due to their parent's insufficient funds. I wanted to help because I adamantly believe that everyone deserves a hot meal, regardless of his or her circumstance. Volunteering at places like food pantries and soup kitchens provided me with a glimpse into the perspective of the working poor. Without jobs, many are unable to get the funds to afford food from supermarkets. Even the few that are able to get the minimum wage, are only able to buy necessities. As a result, pantries help them with extra food. I never realized that it was a hardship to maintain food in a household; I always assumed that it was the norm. Now, I know better.

My interactions with staff and the stories I have heard have left me with a great hunger to change this injustice. These interactions let me know that it is my duty to do more. I also realize that I am not alone in my desire to see change. I have seen staff ready and willing to help without complaint, all so that those without may have the opportunity to be secure. The eagerness they showed is one that I share. I have learned that I take advantage of the small things in life everyday and that when you are in a situation where you are not guaranteed the necessities, you are happy for what with what is given to you. The experiences I had taught me great work ethic and the feeling of gratitude among all the people that volunteer their life every single day. Martin Luther King Jr. said that "an injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." I truly believe that my work is going to help the lives of those less fortunate, and I hope that one day there really will be justice for all.

I like it!

I think it was a good way to show what's important to you, what you're passionate about and what you've been involved in.

My advice is to read it aloud because the flow of it needs to be smoother (like combining sentences and adding conjunctions to make it less choppy). You could add some elevated diction.

Good luck!

--> Last time I checked numbers between/including one and ten should be written out in writing. I think even in this context...I hope :/


--> amount of children not given the opportunity to eat.
Most people have the ABILITY to eat but not the OPPORTUNITY to eat


--> Did you mean, "helped ME in many ways"?


--> I think if you just said complaint, it would make the sentence stronger.


--> shouldn't it be people WANT to help others? Don't use past tense here.

-I like that you made this national concern personal. It wasn't like a news report : )
-You use the word "people" too much. Try to use other words or specific words.

GOOD LUCK!

It seems strange to say poverty causes pregnancy. If there is a specific research study associated with this claim, you should cite it in parentheses (i.e. like in APA citation style).

Also, because of where you placed that sentence -- at the end of the first para -- it seems like it is going to be the theme of the essay: poverty causes teen pregnancy and homelessness. What is the real theme of the essay? I think the real theme is something like, "poverty is a societal ailment that can be mitigated if we pay more attention to it." This is a theme that applies to the whole essay. I think a broad them, like this one, will be applicable to the whole essay.

You don't need to define what poverty is. Besides, this sentence is flawed. Actually, I think starting your essay with your second paragraph is better.


So... Are you referring to "the working poor" or to the people without jobs? The two cannot be the same.


So it was the staff that inspired you to help the poor? That's the first time you mentinoned "staff and the stories." I mean, weren't the plights of the poor you witnessed that motivated you? This is very strange...



These two essentially talk about the same thing.

You should organize your ideas more and think about what to add and what to subtract from this essay. I suggest you focus more on describing your experience with "food pantries" and the lessons you learned.


This is a great quote to use in this kind of essay, btw.