POWER; UVA College/What is your favorite word and why?

ExpIore 1 / 1

Sep 23, 2013 #1

Hello everyone! Spent the last week or so trying to make this essay sound good with a lot of frustration in between and was hoping to receive some feedback.

Thanks for your time!
UVA college application essay prompt: favorite word and why? 250 words/roughly half a page.
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I am aspired to do something with my life. No, it is my duty to do something exceptional with my life. I don't know whether that duty comes from a respect for my life and my parents who gave it to me or due to some sort of fear. A fear that in 200 years no one will know who I was because I did not leave a permanent mark on the world. However, it provides me with the motivation to be ambitious, to take all challenges, and to not give up even if years and years of hard work doesn't pay off. This is the way of life I have chosen for myself because in life you are either the driver or the passenger. The only way I know to uphold that sense of duty is to be the driver and not a passenger. The only way to be the driver is to have power. My favorite word is power.

Power and I have a growing relationship of sorts. We have had some minor affairs like me leading group projects or taking care of my little brother. We have not however, gotten to the next level of saving starving children or doing something as large as making multi-million dollar company. Power is my temptress. It is a vital part of my life that I need if I want to fill that sense of duty I have. That's why it's my favorite word. It is one of my corner puzzle pieces that I know is essential for me to fill this puzzle that is life.

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rosenwald_phd - / 1

Sep 25, 2013 #2

Really consider what you are trying to portray to the college. To summarize your essay in a sentence: You desire power over all other virtues and ideals. Not what a college wants to see at all. Power is a tricky subject...having power just because you want power is honestly not good...

As for the writing itself...meh. Show, don't tell. Narrate a story/event instead of rambling on about large philosophical ideas that are only tangentially related. Concise, to the point, perhaps a tad more grounded philosophically? Have some fun with it as well -- it's a fun, quirky prompt -- they are looking for a fun and quirky response (although deep is great if done right). Power is a general word. Try to find a word that really stands out and sets you apart and speaks to who you are!

Good luck!

dumi 1 / 6,925

1592

Oct 4, 2013 #3

I am aspired to do something with my life. No, it is my duty to do something exceptional with my life. I don't know whether that duty comes from a respect for my life and my parents who gave it to me or due to some sort of fear.

... "my life" is getting repeated heavily :(
I guess your word should have appeared much earlier than where it does now. You take the reader a long way to explore it. :D

Power and I have a growing relationship of sorts. We have had some minor affairs like me leading group projects or taking care of my little brother. We have not however, gotten to the next level of saving starving children or doing something as large as making multi-million dollar company. Power is my temptress. It is a vital part of my life that I need if I want to fill that sense of duty I have. That's why it's my favorite word. It is one of my corner puzzle pieces that I know is essential for me to fill this puzzle that is life.

Well... you represent leadership rather than power. And in my view, their roles are pretty different. Leader needs power, but he needs more skills than power.