Even though the prompt only says "elaborate," i think what the adcoms really want to see is how you were affected by the activities. If they wanted to only hear about the activity itself, they could read a pamphlet. But, I think most of the description here is necessary b/c you explained why it is unique. I think if you can cut down the word count a bit, you should add a few sentences about how it "developed you." As for ideas as to how to tie that in...did this club allow you to see things in a different light or change the way you view things? Did it fulfill your need to help others? Did it teach you something you didn't know about yourself?
The present economic crisis of the modern world has been linked to the financial irresponsibility of both ignorant institutions and unsuspecting consumers. Only the benefit of early education and practical advice will save future generations from repeating these mistakes of the past . For this reason,Therefore, I, along with several friends and an experienced advisor experienced in finance and business , laid the foundations for a new club. Unlike other organizations, the Finance club would not simply be a special interest group. With a new objective each week, we are wholeheartedly determined to understand the critical issues of smart shopping, taxes, loans, debt, mortgages, credit cards, and businesses. Is there any way you can condense this list? We promote the learningunderstanding of these serious concernsissues with captivating stock investment games and lively discussions, while simultaneously building the financial plansbackground essential to a secure life in an environment of economic uncertainty.
Im not sure how to say this, but I guess the club helped me realize that theres a lot of things outside the classroom that they dont teach us, and that you have to do the extra research and have the extra interest to find it, otherwise you wont learn it, and youll be screwed as an adult.
How do you say this in a professional way though?
Hmm, maybe you realized the merit of taking the initiative to expand learning beyond the classroom? How learning can apply to everday life, and not just fractions and grammar, etc. Your definition of learning changed, or was enhanced, by this club?
I hope one of those helped...you definitely have a good idea, translating it to words is the hard part.
