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'pressure of my GCSE art course' - Intellectual vitality - stanford



aricar17 4 / 8  
Dec 30, 2011   #1
Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

I was required to create four projects for my GCSE art course during the year. The first project I had made was being stored in the basement of the design and technology workshop. A few weeks before I had to submit my projects for evaluation, I came back from vacation to be told, "Your work has been contaminated by asbestos and needed to be incinerated." It was rather ironic because the artwork had been a large sculpture of a toaster created to look like burnt toast. It was frustrating to have all of that hard work go up in smoke. Literally.

It was five weeks worth of work gone. I had to submit the artwork for assessment in two weeks and was forced to start from scratch. I decided the situation was an opportunity for me to improve my work. I was also working on a sculpture of the Greek mythological character Icarus, made out of plaster moulds of my body and feathers melted with wax. Multi-tasking and working on two different projects was a challenge. I hobbled around the workshop with a plaster cast around one leg, trying to make a mould, whilst constructing a giant plug out of wire for the toaster. The clean slate gave me the opportunity to be innovative and creative. Instead of making a new toaster sculpture, I used a massively enlarged photo of the old one, brightened up the colors and attached the giant plug I had made. It was better than the original.

I worked endlessly for those two weeks because I wanted the satisfaction of having a complete project and being able to present an art exhibition that I was proud of. I learned how to manage projects to reach a deadline but also enjoy the work along the way. I learned how to look on the bright side in a stressful situation. For two weeks my life consisted of paint, glue and feathers. I had never had so much fun with work before. The challenge and pressure of my GCSE art course showed me the importance of thinking outside the box and looking at things from a different perspective in order to solve a problem.

taboriginal 2 / 11  
Dec 30, 2011   #2
- Spell out the acronym GCSE first so that the admissions people know what it is
- I just switched the order of the section in red because I thought it would sound stronger and make more sense that way.

Pretty good overall, but I would just say to focus more on the effect it had on you. This essay reminds me of the letter to your roommate, which I also read, in that it feels a bit impersonal. I know it is Stanford, but still try to have fun with the essay and put your personality into it.
pringles 6 / 36  
Dec 30, 2011   #3
It was rather ironic because the artwork had been a large sculpture of a toaster created to look like burnt toast. (I can't sense what you're feeling at this point, Anger? Sadness? Add more of YOU into this part so we can see your reaction)

I could have The appearance of the back was not a problem since wings covered it. (It's great how you're going into the details of the project but I feel that by the end of the paragraph you are drifting from your point, might want to shorten and condense this paragraph and add more in the last paragraph about the actual intellectual development)

It was also an opportunity to be innovative and creative, traits I hope to use as an engineer. (I feel you can add much more explanation to this portion of the essay, exactly HOW did it do these things)

One issue i'm getting here, atleast for me, is that, how did the main event of your project being incinerated cause you to be creative? Were you referring to the flipping of the mannequin? if so, atleast it crossed my mind, wouldn't you have to do that anyways even if your project didn't get incinerated? If that is the case then it might be that your entire art course is your main event and i'm getting at this wrong. I'm not sure, that wasn't as clear as it should be i think.
pringles 6 / 36  
Dec 30, 2011   #4
I like this draft much better! The solution of the enlarged photo shows the creativity you mentioned in the end paragraph.

But i still think you have enough material to expand even more on the last paragraph and your reflection.
Also, I think too many of your sentences in your last paragraph are too short and simple. Combining a few and adding some variety in structure would help.

for example, you could combine "for two weeks my life consisted of paint, glue, and feathers" and "i had never had so much fun with work before" into something like "For two weeks, my life consisted solely of paint, glue, and feathers and I enjoyed every moment of it" or something of the sorts.

hope that helps a little
Could you take a look at my Stanford Vitality essay too?


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