7 Prime ministers changed after the end of monarchy on 23rd December 2007.

Cornell supplement (College of Arts and Science)

Describe two or three of your current intellectual interests and why they are exciting to you. Why will Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences be the right environment in which to pursue your interests? (Please limit your response to 650 words.)

7 Prime ministers changed after the end of monarchy on 23rd December 2007.

As a Nepalese child, I often used to miss my school just because of "bandhas"(strikes) and political riots. Back then, I could hardly understand the reason behind the political parties fighting for the "chair". However, as I grew up, I could see the motive behind the political parties in trying to get reach of the power; with the authority, they could do anything and everything. The result of the rule in Nepal since the 2007 has only brought in accelerated inflation, poverty and political insecurity, the results being pertinent on every individual, local, and international level. In fact, due to some political reasons, two years back, my dad (the single earner in my family) faced a salary cut for seven months. In such circumstances, it was hard to remain alienated from Political Science and Economics.

During my high school, I took Economics as an A Level subject in order to get an idea of the basics of the subject. Throughout the course, I found many concepts relatable to my country's situation. One of them was "Stagflation". When its neighboring nation had imposed an Economic blockade over Nepal (post the devastating earthquake, 2015) the price of basic commodities (salt, edible oil, petrol) hiked over ten times and the nation headed towards recession. I was intrigued by application of Economics in real life and understood how a bad politics can mess up the whole economy. But envisioning some of the strongest Economy of the world I was also aware of how a good Politics can strengthen the economic system of the country. I have learned just how much we can understand about our societies with a knowledge of Government and Economics. All these happenings played a significant role in to influence my intellectual interest in Government and Economics.

If given the chance to attend Cornell, I will pursue my major in Economics and government. I foresee a future in which I will use my knowledge to help solve the economic debacle that overshadows the lives of my countrymen. I see Cornell as that ray of hope which would prepare me to bring a change in my Country. Since I aim for international focus in Government, I wanted a platform which would allow me to do so. Through research, I have come to discover that at Cornell School of Arts and Science, this is plausible through the introduction to Comparative Politics and Introduction to International Relations courses, acting as a gateway in ultimately leading me to the desired field. The Cornell in Washington program at the College of Arts & Sciences will extend my appreciation of the way policy-making instruments function, thereby networking me with professionals in Economics and opening a wide field of internship opportunities. The other strong presence I see at Cornell is the undergraduate research opportunities and study abroad programs it offer; I really look forward to become involved in research opportunities offered at Cornell - to grab the unique opportunity to engage myself and develop practical hands-on knowledge.

Besides fostering my academic skills through the innovative and exciting liberal arts curriculum at College of Arts and Science, I also see myself thriving beyond the classroom. On the part of student involvement, I look forward to become an active member of Cornell Economics Society (CES) to further my interest in Economics. I envisage my future in political economy, helping to eradicate abject poverty and stabilizing the Political upheaval in Nepal. And I believe College of Arts and Sciences will prepare me to be a responsible active member of society and a leader of tomorrow in the community I choose to become a part of.

Please help me with improving language and content!!

Parajuli, please separate the discussions pertaining to Political Science and Economics in your essay. Since you are allowed to discuss two or 3 subjects in the essay, the first paragraph should introduce the basis of your interest in these subjects. Therefore, mentioning the two intellectual interests on your part together in that section is acceptable. However, the discussion of the development of your interest in political science must be separated from the mention of Economics. So it would be best if you just gave an overview of the development of your interest in these two fields, rather than having it immediately represent the growth of your interest in both topics.

You have a proper reference to the development of your intellectual interest in Economics in the second paragraph. What is missing is the proper development of your interest in Political Science. If you want to use your current first paragraph for that purpose, you will need to develop more information to accompany the stand alone sentence referring to the changes in Prime Ministers of your country until 2007. Right now, that sentence really doesn't have any relevance so there is room to develop it as the basis of the foundation of your interest in the two topics.

Maybe there will also be room to further improve the reference to Cornell later in your essay. It will all depend upon how the essay further develops with the addition of information as I am suggesting to you. I look forward to reading your revised essay soon.

7 Prime ministers changed after the end of monarchy on 23rd December 2007.

... In such circumstances, it was hard to remain alienated from Political Science and Economics .Gradually,the subject started to play a key role in my life when due to some political reasons, two years back, my dad (the single earner in my family) faced a salary cut for seven months.Then I realized how essential is the subject to the current happenings in my nation.

Thanks Mary Rose .Can you check and help me in editing this paragraph?Is this OK?

See if you like these first 3 paragraphs that I developed for you to use (if you wish to) in your essay. I believe that this presentation best suits the intellectual interests portion of the essay. You can continue the discussion from the end of what I wrote by presenting the portion where you studied Economics in high school. The merging of politics and economics in that paragraph will strengthen this essay of yours.

Imagine growing in Nepal, knowing nothing but daily "bandhas" (worker strikes) and political riots. Wondering why there was a constant battle for a "chair" that 7 prime ministers since December 23, 2007 could not seem to remain seated on. That was the Nepalese world full of turmoil and political discord that I grew up in. The older I got, the more I came to understand that all of the problems of Nepal stemmed from something called politics. A world where authority over the people was the ultimate prize. The more I learned ...

If given the chance to attend Cornell, I will pursue ...

Besides fostering my academic skills through ...

Thank you very much for the suggestion Mary Rose.I found that helpful.Can I use these two paras following the 3 paras above?Do I need to improve my language?

As someone from Nepal, I fully understand the context. I would like to give following suggestions.

First, you can add some ECAs (if you participated ). During blockade, several program were organized. Maybe you attended one of them.

Second, I think it will be better if you could explain how you managed during blockade. Problems you faced and how you tackled.

Good Luck with your application.

Go ahead and attach the paragraph draft that you posted to the ones that I developed for you. That was actually my intention for you. Sorry if I did not make that clear enough when I posted the paragraphs I created for you. As for the last paragraph that you have, since it deals mostly with student involvement in an organization, that qualifies more as a socio-civic aspect of your interests in the university. Since the essay wishes to have you focus only on the intellectual side, there is no need to discuss that information in this essay. Save it for a more relevant prompt requirement. I am sure you will find one as you proceed with your application to Cornell. You can however, close the essay using the statement that you wrote regarding how you envision your future as a political economist graduate from Cornell. It sounds like a strong closing statement to me. Consider closing on that note instead of the current paragraph that you have.

Imagine growing in Nepal, knowing nothing but daily "bandhas" ......my interest in Political Science.>1st para

Once I understood that the......opportunity to do so.>2nd para

Political Science and Economics.....are most evident in my previous explanation.>>3rd para

But, the word limit is only 650 words.How can it be reduced ?

@maruko42
You should consider shortening your essay by couple of sentences, since it exceeds the given word limit. Why not try merging familiar paragraphs for the sake of topic.

@Holt
Can you suggest on cutting down any points in the essay?

In the fourth paragraph, you can cut down on the length of the sentences. Just retain the following portions for relevance and importance in the essay:

Retain the mention of your A Level in high school economics. Retain the mention of "Stagflation" but remove the explanation of how it affected your country. Just reinforce the idea that you have a solid foundation in Economics thanks you your high school studies. Jump directly to the reference to being intrigued by the application of Economics in real life.

Create another paragraph for the reference to Politics. Retain all of the statements that you made in relation to the relevance of politics in governance and economics. Remove the reference to doing research that told you about Comparative Politics and Introduction to International Relations courses. Instead go directly to the talk about the the way that the Cornell Arts & Sciences program gives you the kind of learning environment and training that you need. I believe that these edits should be enough to bring your word count down to the proper level or lower than the maximum level while further enhancing the content of your discussion.

During my high school, I took Economics as an A Level subject in order to get an idea of the basics of the subject. Throughout the course, I found many concepts relatable to my country's situation. One of them was "Stagflation". I was intrigued by application of Economics in real life.

...

Hmm... Does this work ? Also please check for the language part !!

I spotted a few capitalization errors that you should watch out for. Specifically, change the C in Country to lower case. Country should not be capitalized because it is not the first word in the sentence. Neither is it referring to a proper noun. So it should be written in lower case.

Overall, I think we have already done everything that we can with the essay. It is more coherent now and presents itself more cohesively than before. Your voice is clear in terms of stating the importance of the prompt to you and your choice of Cornell as your university of first choice. So, unless you can find something else to fix, edit, or add to the essay, I think you are all set to submit this now.