Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 10


Princeton Supplement event or experience



damo 9 / 29  
Dec 30, 2009   #1
In addition to the essay you have written for the Common Application, please select one of the following themes and write an essay of about 500 words in response. Please do not repeat, in full or in part, the essay you wrote for the Common Application.

Please do not double space your essay.

Option 4 - Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a jumping off point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation at the beginning of your essay.

"What do I know of life? What of myself?
I know not even my own work past or present..."

From the above quote, taken from the poem "Prayer of Columbus" written by Walt Whitman in his book "Leaves of Grass", I ask, what do we truly know?

"And badah-bing" I found myself declaring as I finished my sixth "masterpiece" It had taken me over a month to complete, but I think that my beached sailboat perfectly complimented the rest of my oil painting. As usual my art teacher meandered up to my table of free expression to comment on my finished production. Like a broken record player, she repeated the same phrase that she would always tell to me, "I really like how you choose different colors to represent your mood", but then she unexpectedly exclaimed, "but I just cannot understand why you would color the sky dark pink!" At first I perplexedly sat there and looked back at her. I was utterly confused. I hadn't painted the sky pink; to me, it was clearly a midnight blue. I had never quite knew what she meant by how I was "choosing different colors". I always felt that I had portrayed the original object with grave detail. Two Google searches and a quiz later we had come to the answer to all of our confusion. I was, and still am, partially colorblind.

It was like a door had been slammed in my face. In the two seconds that it took for the web browser to load, my entire world changed. I was set apart and couldn't see what everyone else could see. The world that I know was completely different from the world that the majority of society knows. For what felt like the longest time, I believed that I was at a disadvantage. I felt that I was inferior to those that could see shades of colors, and that they had the upper hand. I have realized that is an untrue thought. Ninety-two percent of the human population sees what they interpret to be the "proper colors". The other eight percent, that I am a part of, see the world in a different light, literally. This sets me apart from the crowd; it creates my own world, in which I am the only one who sees color the way that my eyes perceive it. There is no one else in the world with the same vision as me. This gives me the advantage. This allows me to perceive certain things in an entirely different way, that an individual with normal vision cannot.

That fateful day in art has taught me a valuable lesson, as well as allowed me to see the world in an entirely different scope. I do not know everything, and there is no way that I possibly can. Life is more than knowing everything. Life is seeing in a different perspective, and, in my case, at times a completely different color.

please help me, sending soon! I will write back i promise!

OP damo 9 / 29  
Dec 30, 2009   #2
thank you for commenting I will make a few changes now :]

about to look at yours now thanks again

also I have a few others that need proofing and if you have time i would really appreciate it.

[CLICK ON MY USERNAME TO CHECK MY THREADS]

your threads been deleted so i cant comment :[
shannon92 15 / 62  
Dec 30, 2009   #3
WOW! I've read a lot of essays on this website, and this is definitely my favorite. It is really, really good.
Only thing is, it has a weak intro with no hook:
The first three classes of the day had finished and it had become time for me to move on to the fourth, art. It was the second semester of my sophomore year, and I was finishing up my sixth "masterpiece". As usual my art teacher meandered up to my table of free expression to comment on my finished production.

-reading this, im not excited for the rest of the piece (and its really not as good as the rest of it)..
i would go straight in with something grabbing- maybe describe you painting and then bam the teachers there to make the same comment
-great job!

also, could you help edit these two sentences im having trouble with? thanks
spak417 2 / 6  
Dec 30, 2009   #4
I really enjoyed reading this essay. I agree with the second editor that the intro isn't exactly grabbing, but I also like how and when in the essay you revealed the teacher's reaction. Is there a painting that you have seen that you found strange because you were colorblind(but didnt know)? It might be interesting to show your thought process and how that painting challenged you (if you have anything that comes to mind) and then reveal your own discovery that you were colorblind.
OP damo 9 / 29  
Dec 30, 2009   #5
Shannon I helped you out with those sentences (i hope) :]

and Spencer I am working on a new intro as we speak. Thanks for your insight, i think that would have also been a good intro

did you have one you wanted me to look at?
twizzlestraw 12 / 81  
Dec 30, 2009   #6
So one more thing...
I really like your essay, but I don't see clearly how your quote applies. Are you saying you didn't know yourself? Like the fact that you were colorblind?
OP damo 9 / 29  
Dec 30, 2009   #7
and twizzlestraw, its responding to the "what do we truely know?"
OP damo 9 / 29  
Dec 30, 2009   #8
Thank you so much Wendy. You've been a great help. Maybe one day we will see eachother in college :] you have a myspaace/ facebook? hit me up id love to chat sometime

myspace url is myspace.com/damienthelep
and on face book just type in my name
EF_Susan - / 2310  
Jan 1, 2010   #9
This is great, I like how you used your own art as an example, and the colorblindness makes the essay very interesting! Here are a few minor things;

It had taken me over a month to complete, but I thought that...

As usual, my art teacher meandered...

I had never quite known what she meant by how I was "choosing different colors". I always felt that I had portrayed the original object in grave detail.

Life is seeing from a different perspective,...
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 11, 2010   #10
This is some great collaboration, and I agree that it is a very good essay. That might be because Damien lacks visual strength but is excellent with language. I think I am a good writer, and I am colorblind, too! I also have a terrible sense of direction and don't notice a lot of things (i.e. visually). So, I guess some of us are visual and others verbal.

This essay could be improved with a longer conclusion. Anyway to make room for a stronger, more reflective conclusion paragraph? I am starting to think essays should be bottom-heavy, with bigger conclusions than intros...

Great job here!!


Home / Undergraduate / Princeton Supplement event or experience
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳