Hello everyone, this is my first thread, and I would like some tips on this very rough draft because now I'm stuck with this prompt and I can't figure out how to answer this without being vague or making the essay sound weak and basic. Here we go. (Edit: at the time of writing this second draft, I think this is going to be very boring. I just hope it doesn't put people to sleep)
The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What personal perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (500 word limit)
I have always had a drive to solve my own problems. It is the reason why I want to fix things when something goes wrong, or build on personal projects. Over the course of my life, I've built a lot of things that either my dad gave to me as a gift, or fixed problems that have made significant impacts on my career choice. The perspective I want to give to Rice is my will to build things and solve problems.
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I feel like I am reading an instruction book on how to reassemble the items you have listed.
I think Rice will find it very impressive that you have such a creative mind and passion for such activities, but in the end, what does this tell about the personal perspective that you will CONTRIBUTE to Rice????
Rice wants to know how your "drive to solve problems" will impact others/be impacted by others on campus in Houston. Believe it or not, there's probably a bunch of applicants like you who have invented some handy gadgets but it's really up to you to make the final step and make yourself standout by highlighting how you will use your ability to the fullest at Rice.
And finally, in the essay prompt itself, Rice reminds you that this question is designed not only to find out who you are, but demonstrate your writing skills and as of the current essay, it really doesn't feel creative at all -- it just feels like you're writing an instructions book.
Please don't take my words as harsh, I know how dreadful the college application process is, but I do have at least a bit of qualified advice to give as I did receive admission in Rice but I ultimately chose to attend Duke University. Good luck!
ahhh, I thought so. The due date is on January 1st, and my brother has already killed my first draft. Man, what am I going to do? I just used up my hard drive story (which is a lot more compelling than this one), and I didn't want to be redundant.
EDIT: wait, I used that story for Stanford (whoops). That story can still get me going through these times of difficulty...
The whole assembling description portion is pretty creative!
While I admit that it's a gamble (adcom might just skip over that part; who knows, they're reading thousands of essays), it could definitely work if you clearly tie in the prompt. But, as far as I can tell from your essay, I feel like you haven't. The prompt is asking you how your interest in building things and solving problems will contribute to Rice. I suggest cutting short some of the description and adding in how this desire to build things plays a role in your interest in your particular major (I'm guessing, engineering? lol), and how only at Rice can help you develop your dream.
In the end, however, I really think you should cut back on your description of putting together the parts. First do that, then post the new draft, and I'll take another look at it:). Because I feel until you do that, I can't really help you that much.
And don't worry, I'll be up. Still got 2 more essays to write -_-
ok, so I remembered that I haven't used the hard drive story for Rice yet, and my brother is a writing maestro, so it is REALLY good! However, I am nine words away from the word limit, and I need to make sure that I've answered the prompt. Here's the third draft.
The Committee on Admission is interested in getting to know each candidate as well as possible through the application process. The following essay question is designed to demonstrate your writing skills and facilitate our full appreciation of your unique perspective.
The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What personal perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (500 word limit)
My computer crashed as soon as I booted it up. A wave of panic washed over me. What happened? Why did it send me into a recovery mode screen? It seems like this problem won't be going away for quite a while. This dreaded recovery screen haunted me, as I rebooted to no avail. The laptop was essentially bricked for now.
For one long, grueling month, I had to do things without the computer for things like typing essays and doing research. Thankfully, I had a modern HTC EVO phone to perform these tasks. I must have downloaded what seemed like a mountain of apps in an attempt to try to type essays with the phone, but I reluctantly realized that was a very impractical method: I needed that computer to function again.
I thought to myself that it had to be some software or hardware problem. Every night, I'd run the Windows 7 diagnostic tool CD while I fiddled with my phone. However, it took hours just to get results, so in the morning I'd be reading these magic 8 ball results that gave frustrating, cryptic answers, giving me information about all the possible areas that hinted to these "bad sectors." I had to search the scan results until I could get to the answers that I wanted, leading me to the "bad HDD" message, after several days had passed.
Now, the hard drive wasn't completely ruined, but the damage was bad enough to slow everything down to a snail's pace, which made sense considering that I could hear that constant clicking that repeated itself over and over again, as I stared blankly into the screen. Click. Click. Click. The computer stalled and trudged forward, one click at a time. I could have gotten a new hard drive at this point, but I wanted to use every resource that I had at my disposal. I remembered that my dad kept my old computer, which gave me the idea to perform the vital operation to this patient! I retrieved the computer, and began surgery. The screwdrivers were my scalpels, as I took out the screws that held the hard drives in place. I transplanted the old hard drive into this modern machine. But, the computer, with the old, yet fully functioning hard drive, didn't quite work yet. Was my torment to be permanent? No, I remembered to install the drivers into this hard drive so that it could fully function. My dilemma had finally ended, and I could do my work again. I still have the failed hard drive to this day, as a symbol of my success.
Because of situations like this, I've always had a drive to solve my own problems. Situations like these are the reason I want to fix things when something goes wrong, or build on personal projects. This is the perspective I want to bring to Rice: my will to build things and solve problems.
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