Problem-solving passion - U of Waterloo Data Science AIF Question

goals, interest and reasons

Question 1: Please tell us about your educational goals, your interest in your chosen program(s), and your reasons for applying to the University of Waterloo (900 character limit).

The fascinating process of using datum to touch the lives of millions and even change the way society develops is always what interests me in data science. My passion for problem-solving, persistence and optimization drew me to the path to become a data scientist. In the home of the largest concentration of math and computer science talent in the world, data science is the combination of two best courses in Waterloo, which differentiate it in data science in other universities. This allows me to grow my passions by teaching me how to analyze the data efficiently using most advanced algorithms to help to solve real-world issues. Also, Waterloo's world's largest co-op programs will provide me with a wide range of opportunities and work experiences, enables me to apply my knowledge in the classroom and accomplish my dream of becoming a data scientist.

@emilywang2002
Hi there. Thanks for being a part of the forum! I hope that this feedback will give you an idea on how to improve your writing.

I heavily recommend that you spend the first sentence of this paragraph attempting to be more straightforward in answering the question posed to you. For instance, since they are requiring that you expound on your educational goals, the first sentence should instead be the second one that you have one, considering that one answers their question more immediately. Doing this will hook the readers because they're not lured in by any excessive and descriptive words that do not actually hold value.

Instead of mentioning how this will "grow your passions", try to stick with something more concrete. Mention just what sets the university apart in the most technical way possible. This will surely help your writing become a lot more substantive for depth purposes.