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'where professors cared' - Why UChicago?



aerielm 6 / 14  
Dec 30, 2011   #1
I wrote this kind of last minute and I would appreciate any criticism or editing porfavor! thank you guys!
The prompt is...How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.

It's the middle of summer and I'm trying my best to avoid the growing pile of glossy college brochures that have taken my desk hostage. Despite my best efforts, no amount of chlorine or lemonade could drown out my mother's constant nagging. Reluctantly, I make my way to the intimidating pile. Call it fate or destiny, or whatever you like, but sitting on top of this massive Mount Everest of college papers lay a clean white envelope with bold, red letters written across it; the University of Chicago. Our encounter was just too perfect. After coming across one big party school after another, all dominated by football and Greek life, I knew that type of generic college experience wasn't for me. When it came down to it, I knew exactly what type of school I wanted to call home for the next four years. As I was nonchalantly flipping through UChicago's brochure, not expecting anything much, I carelessly licked Cheeto residue off of my fingers. If only I had known that this was the one glossy brochure that I would be meticulously studying, I might have taken more care in cleaning the orange off. For as I stared in awe at the University of Chicago's enticing pages, I couldn't help but notice the wit, the in your face honesty, the interest that jumped off of every page, glowing in comparison to the dozens of others. Time after time, I kept going back to that clean white envelope, until eventually I couldn't make out the words underneath the layers of orange fingerprints. I knew almost instantaneously that UChicago and I were meant for each other.

Having visited Chicago last summer, I already knew all the city had to offer. Going to college in a place brimming with beautiful architecture, endless opportunities and an amazing art scene was just the cherry on top. After learning all I could from my orange covered brochure, I began to research more extensively. I knew I wanted to major in English literature or art. Not only did UChicago offer both of those, but was renowned in them as well, offering in depth courses with small, intimate class sizes. It was just too good to be true. Besides the amazing location, brilliant architecture and outstanding academic reputation, one thing drew me into the university that stood out amongst the crowd; the passion. I wanted, I needed a place where my creativity and passion could thrive; a place where I would be surrounded by people who were just as passionate about learning as I was. From a young age my parents had instilled in me the importance of education and learning, which over time evolved into a lifelong passion that has become a very important part of myself. I needed a place where the professors cared, where I would be given the freedom of mind to think outside the box and explore my passions for writing and art. I knew that UChicago did more than fill those desires; it threw away everything I thought I knew about the college experience and left me wanting nothing else but to call its inspiring buildings and passion filled campus home.

ZhoeK 5 / 157  
Dec 30, 2011   #2
Aerial

I loved your essay!! It was spectacularly written, captivating yet honest and down to earth -not an overuse of figurative devices either. Only one thing is that you might want to cut down on the first paragraph and focus more on UChicago, you can use more specific examples about programs, clubs etc that pique your interest or you could take about activities you like to do and how they can be done at UChicago, because otherwise, if you substitute UChicago with another college it could work just as well. Do that and this will be perfect!

Hope this helps!
Strawberry78 4 / 51  
Dec 30, 2011   #3
Your anecdote is much too long. You might want to shrink that to one or two sentences. Answer the prompt "How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future" Do some research and pick out specific attributes that you specifically like and will help you excel as an individual. What are your dreams, your aspirations. How is UChicago going to fulfill them. Hope this helps. Help on my revised UPenn essay. Thanks
yuanyuan3045 6 / 23  
Jan 1, 2012   #4
I make my way

I made

Call it fate or destiny,or whatever you like, but sitting on top of this massive Mount Everest

Having visited Chicago last summer, I already knew all the city had to offer. Going to college in a place brimming with beautiful architecture, endless opportunities and an amazing art scene was just the cherry on top.

take out, too generic

I wanted to major in English literature or art, and UChicago was renowned in both of these. The passion at the university drew me most.

Just suggestions, some sentences could be more succinct and thus more effective. Good luck!


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