Essay on Programming - Carnegie Mellon Supplement

Explain why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major, department or program. This essay should include reasons why you have chosen the major, any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. (one-page, single-spaced)

After the Day 2 of the International Olympiad in Informatics (IOI) 2009 in Bulgaria, a breaded-haired man twice my height approached me. I could feel my heart throbbing fast as I recognized who he was instantly: Dr. [insert a great name in Compsci].

"You have done a great job," he said. "You must have made your country real proud."

I had admired this man for years and he recognized me. This is surreal!

I did not get that much appreciation and support when I started programming five years earlier. A National Team alumnus suggested that I should find another subject, because, in his words, "there is no place for you girls here." My friends were still struggling in using Microsoft Word and no computer teacher in my school understood programming well. Likewise, algorithms books are scarce in my country. Local books cover only up to sorting algorithms, and imported algorithm books are hard to find.

However, inadequacy proves to be a blessing in my case. I was led to perceive informatics as an enjoyable exploration led by my own curiosity, and not as an 'academic subject'. Soon, I progressed from coding multiplications of two ten-digit numbers to designing the most efficient distribution route using Maximum Flow modeling. During this process, I further realized algorithms' wide array of applications in the real life and became fascinated by Computer Science's almost limitless possibilities in the future.

Hence, pursuing a Computer Science bachelor degree is a natural decision for me. I want to be in a world-renowned university with the best quality courses and a first-rate faculty. I look forward to exploring modern Computer Science concentrations, particularly Human Computer Interaction and Language Technologies, thus finding a suitable concentration for me. These criteria led me to Carnegie Mellon University.

When I peeked into CMU's website for admission information, I was surprised to see 'Especially for Women' link on the page. Wow, this university seriously appreciates us! I thought. I am particularly impressed that CMU, through Women@SCS, has done real job in encouraging women in Computer Science. I realize that when I step into the School of Computer Science, I have Big Sisters to whom I can talk and ask. Through Women@SCS, I look forward to participating in the regularly held dinners with companies and also leadership and interview training, thus preparing myself for my future career.

On the other hand, I believe that I can also contribute to CMU, for example by participating on the ACM International Collegiate Programming Contest on behalf of the school. Additionally, since encouraging my younger female compatriots is my deep concern, I am planning to volunteer actively in Women@SCS and Society of Women Engineers. Being a South-East Asian, I can also enrich Carnegie Mellon University's diversity.

All things considered, I believe that Carnegie Mellon is the ideal university for me.

Any comments? :) i wonder whether this is boring...

I keep getting stuck on the image of the man with bread for hair. Surreal! Or, did you mean "braided"?

Overall, this is a very strong essay. You clearly have the computer science credentials and, as a South Asian woman, will help the school meet its goal of increasing the participation of women in computer science. Just watch out for verb tense. You go back and forth between past and present tense in your introductory anecdote. You probably want to use present tense to add a sense of immediacy, but it ends up just sounding like a grammatical error. Use past tense throughout that anecdote and whenever you are writing of the past.

ah yes, I mean braided! silly me lol.

I am actually a bit confused about the tense...


I peeked into the website in the past, but I am impressed until now. Is this grammar correct, or I should change the 'peeked' and 'was surprised' into present?

Thank you Simone! :) any other comment, anyone?

^breaded hair?


^A bit of a cliche, seeing as how possibilities are generally limited.


^What makes Carnegie Mellon world renowned, and what makes it have the 'best quality courses'?


^Needs grammar revision.


^I do not suggest the shallow 'my future career' card. Think of something else that is meaningful perhaps?


^Youve got a fairly good essay here. Some tweaks regarding your grammar should be made however.
Your last paragraph however, had some strange errors.
Encouraging female compatriots is a deep concern? I do not think that is the effect you were going for.

Your essay is fine overall. It just needs some improvement, and if you have more to discuss, then include it. If there is a strict word limit, then keep it as it and focus on just tightening it up a bit.

You have that part right. You peeked and were surprised. You remain impressed. The tense problem is earlier on, when you are telling the story of your award.