Prompt:
Feel free to include additional comments that would be useful in the evaluation process. Include information such as your educational aspirations, travel and work experience, creative talents, factors affecting your academic record, and any other information that might be of use and interest to the admission committees.
_________
"Psychology? Why would you want to study that? Are you psycho/crazy? Do you have a screw loose? A nut for a brain?"
That's a sample of the responses I received time and again from my parents, peers and teachers when I was in school in Bahrain.
There appeared to be a lack of exposure to the study of mind and emotion, which caused a certain hostility towards the science of psychology. It was amusing to observe them playing near-perfect renditions of the case studies I loved to read, while they simultaneously disparaged the science.
Lack of sufficient funding added to the already negative atmosphere at school, and I decided forge my own path to knowledge after the tenth grade. I developed on my knowledge of science, math and computers, while feeding my appetite for psychology on the side.
When I turned 18 and wanted to go to college, my parents were firmly against psychology, preferring instead that I study computer science, a subject I had shown some aptitude for as a child. It was clear that my dependence on them was affecting my future, so I decided the time had come to part ways and stand on my own feet.
I moved to India to work with a company that sold antiviruses and computer security services, and was able to afford old psychology textbooks on the secondhand market. This fuelled my desire to learn, because there was a lot of outdated information from older generations of knowledge and I found it engaging to see the contrasts; the shifts in ideologies, philosophies and thoughts in different schools of psychology. My desire to take my knowledge of the subject to a professional level grew, and I started looking for ways to join a college. But India unfortunately did not have an adult education program in place to help me get my high school credentials. I also found the psychology programs in India to be very arts-oriented, where the subject was treated more like literature or history than a fresh and growing science.
At the age of 26, I moved to Florida and decided to take advantage of the adult education system they have in place. I was able to get my GED and enrolled myself in the local college. I was impressed with the quality of teachers they had on offer. They were passionate, knowledgeable people, experts in their respective fields. This atmosphere rejuvenated my curiosity and will to learn, and clearly reflected in my grades. Since the college only offered an Associate's degree in psychology, I began looking for good undergraduate programs in psychology.
That's when I came across the University of Colorado at Boulder. With a wonderful location, well-equipped facilities, labs and an atmosphere that encourages research in some very intriguing aspects of the subject, I have no doubt that I will be able to maintain a mutually beneficial relationship with UC at Boulder.
Another aspect of UC that I found attractive is the research options available to undergraduate students, like assistantships and honors programs, which I hope to take full advantage of.
What would UC gain from admitting me?
I am a devoted student with a strong appetite for knowledge, with academic and extra-curricular flair. Thus far, I have been able to maintain a good academic record while engaging in rewarding extracurricular activities on the side, like playing the violin, guitar and a few other instruments. I took an active role in student organizations involved in debates of social relevance, and will continue to do so if admitted.
_____________________
No word limits for this one... as usual, I tried not to make it too wordy, but probably failed.
Let me know if you spot any shorteners! Does it come across as too plastic toward the end?
This essay is strictly optional, so I am a little confused as to how it will be relevant to my app. Guess it's just to account for gaps in education and what not... right?
Thanks all!
Hello,
Upon reading this essay, the first question that comes to mind is: have you covered this information in other essays you are submitting to UC Boulder? To what degree is the content of this optional essay redundant? If the essay is optional, I would a) recommend doing it; spotlight as many dynamic aspects of yourself as possible in this application, and b) ask you to focus on new information and avoid repeating content from elsewhere in your application.
Your story is an interesting one, but this rendition tends to drag on a bit. I would encourage you to focus on condensing the exposition (the logistics of how one step led to the next) and deepening the analysis. The admissions committee does not need a detailed biography or history of events -- what they would benefit from is an essay rich in opinion, point of view, and analysis of life events. For example, what was it like growing up in Bahrain? Did your parents try to prevent you from leaving? Was the transition seamless? Or did you encounter difficulty in your moves to India and Florida? How did these major life choices impact your view of psychology. What do you make of the different treatment of psychology in each of these places? By pushing your analysis, you will endow your story with wonderful depth.
Finally, you can completely do without the last paragraph. You write, "I am a devoted student with a strong appetite for knowledge, with academic and extra-curricular flair. Thus far, I have been able to maintain a good academic record..." This is likely true of most applicants. It is also very general. Rather than writing in broad strokes, make your presentation as specific as possible. This way your work will be compelling and memorable to the reader. What makes you different than the other devoted students? Why are you special among all the people with academic and extra-curricular flair? Who are you and how will you add to the UC Boulder community? Be specific.
Hope this helps. Best of luck with this difficult but rewarding admissions process. Keep up the good work!
Kind regards,
Brooke
