Hi I wrote an this college essay about my girlfriend and I was wondering if that was okay or maybe it loosk silly to an admission board. Be honest I will take any advice you have to offer thanks!
"Brian, you need to get off your butt and start your homework or you will not pass your classes!" At first someone would think that this was my mom or dad, or maybe even a grandparent yelling at me to do my homework. However, it was my super genius girl friend Joyelle. "Yes mom!" I said sarcastically as I hastily made my way off of the couch to start my Algebra homework and miss the greatest shows that television had to offer. See, Joyelle is a super hardworking teenager who succeeds at everything she does. Not only in academics but also in music and art as well, and will get mad if she does not get a 100% on every single thing that she turns in. On top of it all, she has O.C.D, or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder which makes her completely detailed oriented on top of being super talented. Joyelle is the type of person that makes sure that every little thing is in check, including her messy boy friend.
Before we started dating, I would stare at the menacing idiot box in my living room for hours on end, putting off my homework for as long as possible. However, now that I have Joyelle in my life, she always pushes me to my absolute best and makes sure that I am successful in all of my endeavors. Joyelle's influence does not stop with my academics; it goes into every little detail of my life. The very first time she saw my bedroom was when we were moving a couch. As we walked in, her face turned into one of horror as she saw the disgusting mess that was my bedroom. She screamed as she looked around the room and saw that the floor was littered with dirty clothes, empty soda bottles, and the sheets of my bed in a pile on top of the mattress. She then forced me to make the bedroom immaculate.
Overtime, I began to do my homework and clean my room on my own. However, it did not stop there. I now noticed that I had impeccable attention to detail with many other things, including checking and double checking all of my work in school and making sure that it was flawless and not just the bare minimum. I also made sure that anything that was out of line was corrected immediately. I guess O.C.D is contagious to a certain extent.
I am completely blessed to have somebody in my life that cares enough about me to make sure that I am always in check. She makes sure that I am always in line and makes my life as comfortable as possible. I know that Joyelle has changed me for the rest of my life even if she is not always right by my side. I know that all of the work I do is the best that it can possibly be. I am forever grateful.
"Brian, you need to get off your butt and start your homework or you will not pass your classes!" At first someone would think that this was my mom or dad, or maybe even a grandparent yelling at me to do my homework. However, it was my super genius girl friend Joyelle. "Yes mom!" I said sarcastically as I hastily made my way off of the couch to start my Algebra homework and miss the greatest shows that television had to offer. See, Joyelle is a super hardworking teenager who succeeds at everything she does. Not only in academics but also in music and art as well, and will get mad if she does not get a 100% on every single thing that she turns in. On top of it all, she has O.C.D, or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder which makes her completely detailed oriented on top of being super talented. Joyelle is the type of person that makes sure that every little thing is in check, including her messy boy friend.
Before we started dating, I would stare at the menacing idiot box in my living room for hours on end, putting off my homework for as long as possible. However, now that I have Joyelle in my life, she always pushes me to my absolute best and makes sure that I am successful in all of my endeavors. Joyelle's influence does not stop with my academics; it goes into every little detail of my life. The very first time she saw my bedroom was when we were moving a couch. As we walked in, her face turned into one of horror as she saw the disgusting mess that was my bedroom. She screamed as she looked around the room and saw that the floor was littered with dirty clothes, empty soda bottles, and the sheets of my bed in a pile on top of the mattress. She then forced me to make the bedroom immaculate.
Overtime, I began to do my homework and clean my room on my own. However, it did not stop there. I now noticed that I had impeccable attention to detail with many other things, including checking and double checking all of my work in school and making sure that it was flawless and not just the bare minimum. I also made sure that anything that was out of line was corrected immediately. I guess O.C.D is contagious to a certain extent.
I am completely blessed to have somebody in my life that cares enough about me to make sure that I am always in check. She makes sure that I am always in line and makes my life as comfortable as possible. I know that Joyelle has changed me for the rest of my life even if she is not always right by my side. I know that all of the work I do is the best that it can possibly be. I am forever grateful.