'The quality and atmosphere' - ESSAY FOR RICE. What motivated you.

What motivated you to apply to Rice University? Please be specific and limit your response to 200 words.

In multiple student reviews, the students of Rice University are said to have a very balanced lifestyle with the motto "study hard and party hard." This mindset captivated me as I realized that in Rice, I would be studying to live a life rather than to just make a living.

The quality and atmosphere of Rice University compels me to apply there. I look forward to the top-notch faculty and facilities that provide a similarly outstanding study environment. The students are said to be challenged by the rigor of their courses but nevertheless happy and passionate about them. I aspire to find joy and fulfillment in every work I do. Rice University seemed like the ideal place to achieve such.

Moreover, I'm fascinated by the Hogwarts-like residential college system of Rice University. The sense of unity and belongingness that would serve as my anchor is important to me. Leaving my comfort zone in Miriam College High School where everyone and everything was familiar to me may not be easy, but with the residential college system, I feel like I would soon find a company and even a family.

I'm a bit lost right now. Heeeelp! T__T
Comments and suggestions please!

Thank you!

Move the Hogwarts part to the beginning; it'll make the essay more interesting. Right now, it's kind of dry and loads of applicants have probably written essentially the same thing.

"I would be studying to live a life rather than to just make a living." I understand what you mean by this, but it's kind of awkward.

I don't think belongingness is a word..

Leaving my comfort zone in Miriam College High School where everyone and everything was (should be is) familiar to me may not be easy, but with the residential college system, I feel like I would (should be will) soon find a company and even a family.

In multiple student reviews, the students of Rice University are said to have a very balanced lifestyle with the motto "study hard and party hard." This mindset captivated me as I realized that at Rice, I would be studying to live a life rather than to just make a living.

The quality and atmosphere(describe the quality and/or atmosphere with adjectives) of Rice University compels me to apply there. I look forward to the top-notch faculty and facilities that provide a similarly outstanding study environment. The students are said to be challenged by the rigor of their courses but nevertheless happy and passionate about them. I aspire to find joy and fulfillment in every work I do. Rice University seemed like the ideal place to achieve such _________ (fill in the blank).

Moreover, I'm fascinated by the Hogwarts-like residential college system of Rice University. The sense of unity and belonging that would serve as my anchor is important to me. Leaving my comfort zone in Miriam College High School where everyone and everything(either replace with "all" or something more specific?) was familiar to me may not be easy, but with the residential college system, I feel I would soon find a company and even a family.

I think this was a simple and wonderful explanation to why you wanted to apply there. I just added some suggestions :)