1/2 OF MY QUEENS COMMERCE SUPPLEMENTARY ESSAY

In 300 words or fewer (approximately 1950 characters with spaces), please demonstrate the research you have done to ensure that Queen's Commerce Program is the right fit for you.

It would definitely be an understatement, to say that when one of the recruiters at the annual Ontario university fair invited me to apply for QLEAD, I was so embarrassingly nervous. That being said, it would also be an understatement to say that stirring up enough courage to send in an application was one of the best decisions I have made in my life thus far. As fate would have it, I was chosen to be one of the lucky hundred delegates, and I still feel so fortunate to be given that opportunity to this day. Kingston, albeit foreign territory at first, soon grew to feel like home. In what seemed like a blink of an eye, suddenly there I was sitting in Goodes Hall, surrounded by the faces of possible future classmates. It was strange, how an atmosphere so new could feel so right in such a short period of time, but it did. The wise words of the QLEAD exec team still linger in my mind, and I learned so much more about the program from them than I would've been able to search the entire world wide web for. They gave me insights to the campus life, the many different extra-curriculars, how everyone is so willing to help one another, and just how close-knit the Commerce faculty truly is. As the Deputy Prime Minister of my student government, I feel that I would truly benefit from being able to work with other student leaders. Furthermore, I believe I would obtain the best education possible in the small classes of eighty students that Queens offers, under the supervision of Canada's top professors. If given the huge opportunity, Queen's Commerce is something I would definitely love (and possibly give up an arm and a leg) to be apart of.

In an essay of 300 words or fewer (approximately 1950 characters with spaces), write about your goals for your time at Queen's University and beyond. Your answer will be evaluated for content and writing style.

According to Dr. Seuss, the irrevocably wise man himself, I have brains in my head, feet in my shoes, and I can steer myself any direction I choose. Standing at a mere five feet on the dot, I've always been a small girl with dreams far too big, but never big enough for me to simply watch as opportunities pass me by. While the transition from high school to post secondary certainly won't be easy, I plan to carry forth my good work habits and perpetual desire to get involved with me to Queen's.

Within the very first month of my very first year at Queens, I aim to spend quality time with and get to know my new peers, as well as join several clubs. Having been a dedicated leader in my student government for most of my highschool career, I intend on applying to be an offical of the Commerce Society. Furthermore, I plan to take part in Queen's Music Club to continue to pursue my passion and talent for singing and playing acoustic instruments. That being said, I also hope to excel on an academic level at Queen's; just as I currently am, I aim to work highly diligently and meticulously in university as well. In my third year, I'd love to do an exchange at the QUT Business School in Australia, as it has been a dream of mine to explore the country.

As I still have a few more years to decide, I have yet to come to a decision on what I plan to do beyond graduation. While I'm already set on becoming a businesswoman, I am torn as to whether I prefer the financial or marketing side of commerce. However, I am ecstatic to eventually discover what the future holds for me.

What I really enjoyed about this essay was your positive attitude and that you turned the not knowing the future into a positive aspect.

I would say that instead of laying it out year by year from your first to third year, I would lay it out in a more generic way of what you would do overall during college, not just by individual year.

Thanks! I'll definitely keep that in mind :)
To be honest I only talked about my goal for third year because their international exchange program is kind of a big deal and I wanted to show that I had done my research. But I'll definitely try to incorporate your advice!

I Think you missed "in" the sentence.
According to Dr. Seuss, the irrevocably wise man himself, I have brains in my head, feet in my shoes, and I can steer myself in any direction I choose.

Its a brilliant essay.

Add a space in between 'a' and 'part'. I may be wrong but that phrase means 'giving up lots of money' right? I think that's not suitable to be included in the essay. How about replacing it?

You could try breaking the essay into 2-3 paragraphs. That'll make the essay look better. Overall I like the conversational style that you adopted while writing the essay. Its good enough to be submitted.