Question about how Star Wars influences me Essay

The prompt is: Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you

Throughout my life, I have been exposed to a large variety of characters, whether it was through movies, books, or other forms of entertainment. Out of all these characters, Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi , a Jedi from "Star Wars", is the one that sticks out of the crowd as a literary figure that has influenced me the most. He is a man who spent most of his adult life helping others, and I aspire to do the same by pursuing my dream of becoming an Orthopedic Surgeon. Helping those less fortunate with the skills he has accumulated is the greatest achievement of Obi-Wan, and I intend to emulate him.

Obi-Wan represents the things that I find to be most important, such as kindness, compassion, patience, and wisdom. These are all traits that I aim to one day consist of. If the life of Obi-Wan is anything to go by, these qualities will bring me far. That is why I try to employ them in my day to day life, whether it is through community service or tutoring my fellow students.

The most important lesson taught by Obi-Wan throughout the entirety of "Star Wars" is for his students to "use the force." I know that it is physically impossible for me to use the "Force" in a literal sense, but that is not the lesson I think he was trying to convey. What Obi-Wan did was teach me that there is a hero inside everyone. Whenever something daunting needs to be accomplished, I realized that I just needed to look deep within myself and (yeah, this is a weak ending)

I am applying with the CommonApp for Northwestern and wanted to know if this Essay was able to be fixed, if its too weak, and if I should start a new one. Even if you do not know much about star wars, any thoughts on this would be extremely helpful, as I start school tomorrow and want to get this finished by tonight.

Please do not hold back any comments or suggestions.
Thanks in advance!

Elaborate HOW you're going to try to employ those qualities in daily life. You cannot just explain it in half a sentence.

Anyway, I strongly suggest you picture Obi-wan as detail as possible. Try making it short, but clear. Even if your reader know about star wars, don't take it for granted. When you write, you have imagine that your readers don't know anything. How you are going to make them able to picture Obi-wan depends stongly on your description.

Reading " I aspire to do the same by pursuing my dream of becoming an Orthopedic Surgeon" feels so far fetched.
The topic of this essay shifted to Why Obi-wan is your idol more than how it influences you. Also, you're not emphasizing on your own dream of being an Ortohpedic surgeon.

The conclusion of your topic would be interesting if you could make Star wars an analogy of your real life. Maybe like, "I'm going to be the Obi-wan of...." or something like that.

whether it was through movies, books, or other forms of entertainment. ----I don't know if this part is helpful. Do not include words and phrases that are not part of the purpose of the essay. They weigh it down.

Use italics for the title of books and filme:
... a Jedi from Star Wars, is the one that sticks out of the crowd as a literary figure that has influenced me the most.

Okay, but isn't your work as an orthopedic surgeon actually a means to an end? It is a particular path. Why did you choose this path?

...is a hero inside everyone. Whenever something daunting needs to be accomplished, I realized that I just needed to look deep within myself and (yeah, this is a weak ending)---I guess it is a little cheesy. It is better if you focus in a pragmatic way on the SPECIFIC goals you want to achieve in the next few years. Show how the WORK that you will do, EMPOWERED BY YOUR EDUCATION, will be an expression of that inner strength.

But stay focused on those goals. :-)

The most important lesson taught by Obi-Wan throughout the entirety of "Star Wars" is for his students to "use the force." I know that it is physically impossible for me to use the "Force" in a literal sense, but that is not the lesson I think he was trying to convey. What Obi-Wan did was teach me that there is a hero inside everyone. Whenever something daunting needs to be accomplished, I realized that I just needed to look deep within myself and (yeah, this is a weak ending)

"One of the most important lessons taught by Obi-Wan throughout the entirety of "Star Wars", is for his students to "use the force.". While I know that it is physically impossible for me to use the "Force" in a literal sense, but that is not the lesson I think he was trying to conveyI believe that a different lesson was conveyed to me. . What Obi-Wan did was teachtaught me that there is a hero inside everyone. Whenever something daunting needs to be accomplished, I realized that I just needed to look deep within myself and I will be able to find the strength I need to succeed in what I do. (yeah, this is a weak ending)"

Sorry for the edits. you don't have to listen to them, I just thought that it flowed better this way.

Please help me EF_Kevin! I desperate for some proof reading and suggestions