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"the quick pace of life" University of Washington, Diverse Community Short Essay

Katlynedwards 8 / 21  
Jan 5, 2010   #1
Prompt: The University of Washington seeks to create a community of students richly diverse in cultural backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints. How would you contribute to this community? (Recommended length 250-500 words)

At first glance, I may appear to be just another everyday applicant looking at applying to the University of Washington, but upon closer inspection, you will find that this is not the case. Underneath my average appearance, I have a world of experiences from which I have grown and learned.

Growing up in Everett, I was accustomed to the quick pace of life. My parents appeared to work constantly, stating that they were in the prime of their career. Because of this, and as I was an only child, I was forced to learn and grow on my own.

At the age of eight, my parents realized that they wanted to spend more time with me, and decided to move to a small town about two hours away from Everett. Sequim, Washington, also known as the retirement community, had a population of five thousand. There are no "big box stores" within a thirty mile radius, and the nearest mall is fifty miles away. Here I was able to discover the adventures of a more rural living. I also found how life existed without freeways, Starbucks, and WalMart. Although at first it was a difficult transition, I soon became accustomed to this lifestyle and was able to respect its differences from larger, fast paced cities.

At the University of Washington I will be able to share the experience of knowing both a small town community, and an energetic town that thrives each day. I will find others who share the life of an only child, and will discover new friendships. With this in mind, I believe I will add a new viewpoint of the world to the diverse community at University of Washington.

Feel free to be harsh! All comments welcomed. I'm specifically worried as to if I actually answered the prompt. Thanks everyone!
Conductor - / 2  
Jan 5, 2010   #2
DELETE your introduction(the 1st paragraph),please!!!!!!It doesn't sound so interesting.The whole essay can work better without the introduction.
yujinyo - / 2  
Jan 7, 2010   #3
I agree with above.
Your intro is kind of dull. don't just remove it but try making it more interesting by having like a thesis statement that foreshadows what you are going to be talking about
badromance 1 / 18  
Jan 7, 2010   #4
I agree with the others that the intro is kind of unecessary. The rest of the essay seems to work though, it flows well and I like how you relate the whole story to your personality and goals in the conclusion.

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