I never thought I could feel the loneliest when I'm in a room swarmed with people. It was time for me to face the most dreadful part of the day. I weave my way through groups of people cluttered around the two doors and I panic to find an available seat. The loud chatter vibrates throughout my body and sends a chill down my spine. Everyone else has settled in and I am still struggling to find a place to sit! Finally, I spot a long table that stretched halfway across the room and seat myself at the very end of it. The clock seemed to tick slower every time I turn my head to look at it. 20 minutes left. My stomach growls at the smell of stale pizzas, day-old pasta, and french fries that engulf the air. Looking around the room, I come to the realization that I am surrounded by empty seats. Judging by the looks I received, all I could imagine them saying was, "Wow. What a loser." The back of my eyes begin to sting as I try to fight back the tears as I sit alone in the school cafeteria.
"Why are you so quiet?" "I've never seen you here before, are you new?" These are the questions that I answer too frequently. I will never understand why it was so difficult to be outgoing. No matter how much I tried to put myself out there, it was impossible; I was an introverted person. I felt embarrassed to be 'that girl' sitting alone at lunch and frustrated that I couldn't find the courage to change it. Instead, I would roam the halls before lunch as long as I can to lessen the time I had to sit alone.
Junior year was the turning point; I loved being alone. It was time for me to forget anyone else and for once, focus on myself. I sought to better myself only to the likings of others during my first two years of high school because I wanted to "fit in." I was so invested in what others liked and wanted that I didn't know a single thing about myself: my favorite color, music artist, book, movie, or TV show. These little details were key aspects on finding my self-identity. I loved sitting in class alone, taking the bus alone, being home on a Friday night alone because these were the moments I had the time to discover them. Being alone forced me to listen to my thoughts and to deal with whatever was going on in my head. It made me feel powerful in that my imagination and creativity was perpetual. Introspection gave me the choice to explore, experience, and learn new things without anything or anyone standing in my way. I started sketching again, discovering new and unique music, and exploring different ideas; I was uncovering my passions. When I look back at freshman year I realized that my failure was not being "the loser" who sat alone at the lunch table, but it was wasting my time letting others label me as such. People always need to occupy themselves with others by distracting themselves with the lives of everyone else to avoid loneliness. I, however, take this time to discover more about myself by indulging in things I love. It boosted my self-confidence and made it easier for me to interact with others and face my social anxiety. I still have struggles with my shyness and social cues; however, I like to think of myself as an independent and self-sufficient character as opposed to a shy and diffident one.
I want a little insight on this essay. Please give me any suggestions on how I can improve it! thanks.
"Why are you so quiet?" "I've never seen you here before, are you new?" These are the questions that I answer too frequently. I will never understand why it was so difficult to be outgoing. No matter how much I tried to put myself out there, it was impossible; I was an introverted person. I felt embarrassed to be 'that girl' sitting alone at lunch and frustrated that I couldn't find the courage to change it. Instead, I would roam the halls before lunch as long as I can to lessen the time I had to sit alone.
Junior year was the turning point; I loved being alone. It was time for me to forget anyone else and for once, focus on myself. I sought to better myself only to the likings of others during my first two years of high school because I wanted to "fit in." I was so invested in what others liked and wanted that I didn't know a single thing about myself: my favorite color, music artist, book, movie, or TV show. These little details were key aspects on finding my self-identity. I loved sitting in class alone, taking the bus alone, being home on a Friday night alone because these were the moments I had the time to discover them. Being alone forced me to listen to my thoughts and to deal with whatever was going on in my head. It made me feel powerful in that my imagination and creativity was perpetual. Introspection gave me the choice to explore, experience, and learn new things without anything or anyone standing in my way. I started sketching again, discovering new and unique music, and exploring different ideas; I was uncovering my passions. When I look back at freshman year I realized that my failure was not being "the loser" who sat alone at the lunch table, but it was wasting my time letting others label me as such. People always need to occupy themselves with others by distracting themselves with the lives of everyone else to avoid loneliness. I, however, take this time to discover more about myself by indulging in things I love. It boosted my self-confidence and made it easier for me to interact with others and face my social anxiety. I still have struggles with my shyness and social cues; however, I like to think of myself as an independent and self-sufficient character as opposed to a shy and diffident one.
I want a little insight on this essay. Please give me any suggestions on how I can improve it! thanks.