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a personal quirk is a part of who you are; supplemental essay


nicolezmh1997 6 / 30 8  
Oct 24, 2014   #1
Hi, everyone. This draft has already been revised several times. And the deadline is November 1st. But my word count exceeds the word limit :(
I really appreciate for your help!!!!!

We are a community with quirks, both in language and in traditions. Describe one of your quirks and why it is part of who you are.(word limit:250)

I love to look at myself. In the mirror, on the street, in front of the building, anywhere possible to show my blurred reflection would be the place for me to stop and to gaze at myself. Strangers may regard me as a girl who pays particular attention to my appearance. However, I take this personal quirk as a way of daily examining myself through an outsider's eyes.

It started from my roommate's snores. I had once tried to shake her up and harshly criticize her. As I approached her, I saw my reflection in a big mirror in the room. I was shocked at my impatient and outraged facial expression reflecting in the mirror: that was me, an immature and irritable girl, whose inner self was as explosive as a volcano. I gazed at myself and started to recall our valuable friendship. My anger was gradually decreased unexpectedly; my facial expression was smoothed in the mirror. Instead of reproving my roommate, I modulated my own breathing pace to accord with her snores. That night, the usually thunderous sounded not that annoying.

That's how I find out the unnoticed function of mirror. It awares me of my immaturity and prompt me to adjust my inappropriate behavior.

The quirk of gazing at myself promotes self-introspection for me to think twice before taking action irrationally. The process of carefully perceiving my reflection is like an exploration. It makes me internalized a sense of empathy for others, and apply it in dealing with uncomfortable moments like bothered by my roommate's snores. What's more, it helps me better understand what others are going through, feel as others feel, think as others think, and create true harmony.

I love looking at myself; I love self-discovery; I love the subsequent contemplation. Moreover, I love the journey to learn, and to progress.
Lucy2457 4 / 9 1  
Oct 24, 2014   #2
This is an excellent start. I have gone through your essay, and I think you may be closer to the required word count. In the edits, green is something I have changed, while red is something I have taken out. Take these edits with a grain of salt- you should ask someone close to you to edit this as well, so they can tell you if it sounds like your voice. Good luck!

I love to look at myself. In the mirror, in the reflection of car windows on the street, in puddles on the sidewalk , anywhere I can stop and to gaze at myself. Strangers may believe I amover concerned with my appearance . However, I see this personal quirk as a way of daily examining myself through an outsider's eyes.

It started with my roommate's snores. One night, fed up with her ceaseless noises, I stormed over to her bed, ready to wake her. As I approached her, I saw my reflection in our enormous mirror . I was shocked at the person before me: an impatient, irritable girll , whose personality was as explosive as a volcano. I gazed at myself, coming to my senses, recalling our valuable friendship. My anger was gradually decreased,my facial expression returning to its usual tranquility. Instead of reproving my roommate, I modified my own breathing pace to match her snores. That night, her never ending rumble of snores seemed to disappear

That's how I find out the unnoticed function of mirror. It awares me of my immaturity and prompt me to adjust my inappropriate behavior.
My quirky love for myself looking back at me has taught me to consistently think twice before acting . The process of carefully perceiving my reflection is a form of self-exploration . It has helped me develop a sense of empathy for others., and apply it in dealing with uncomfortable moments like bothered by my roommate's snores. What's more, it helps me better understand what others are going through, feel as others feel, think as others think, and create true harmony.

I love looking at myself; I love self-discovery; I love the subsequent contemplation. Moreover, I love the journey of developing strong traits for the rest of my life.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 26, 2014   #3
Nicole, I am going to revise the whole essay for you but still keep within the theme and word count. Please feel free to use or not use this version of the essay. It is for you to use as a template if you wish :-) This comes in at exactly 250.

We look into the mirror and see a physical representation our selves. So we fix our hair, retouch our make up, or straighten our clothes.That is what I normally did with the mirror until I discovered that it could be used for something greater, a quirky characteristic of mine that helps me to learn more about myself and the world around me.

It all started when I had a roommatewho snored every night She once snored so badly that I decided to get out of bed, march up to her and shake her awake. That was the plan, but I passed by the mirror in our room, saw my facial expression and held back. I had never seen my look of anger until then.

That was when I realized that the mirror is truly the hand that reflects how other people view us. Looking into the mirror has become a guilty habit of mine since then. I learned that the mirror can be effectively used for self-ontrospection and thus, allows me to think twice before taking any action. Looking at myself in the mirror helps me to create harmony in my life because I can see how other people will judge my facial expression, which is the first thing people judge before my actual action.

That is the quirk that the mirror helps me enhance, I look at myself in the mirror as often as I can because it is a part of my self analysis, realization, contemplation, and acceptance.


We can work on improving this essay if you'd like. There is room to play with the content if you choose to do so :-)
OP nicolezmh1997 6 / 30 8  
Oct 26, 2014   #4
Hi, Vangispen! I think your rewritten essay is quite effective. However, I find that I could not fully understand some of the sentences.
The blue portion is where I think the expression is new to me, or the expression sounds awkward and not like my voice.
The red portion is where I add my original content.
I hope that I could further work on the essay you revised previously.
I really appreciate for your help and I look forward to receiving your reply!
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 26, 2014   #5
Nicole, the terms that you do not understand are actually creative English writing techniques that are quite commonly used in advanced essay writing. There is nothing wrong in the way that it was written. It is just that it is a far more advanced method of English writing and expression that you have not yet achieved at your English writing level but will certainly make a highly positive impression upon the admissions officer because it shows an advanced grasp of the English language. Let me explain it to you as best as I can.

We look into the mirror and see a physical representation our selves

- Can you see yourself without a mirror? You can't right? That is why when you look into the mirror, you see the physical representation of yourself. You see the whole of your embodiment that you do not normally see.

truly the hand ( the hand???) that reflects how other people view us.

- The use of the hand is to deflect negative things or show us things that we don't normally see. The mirror represents that in this case. It can also be said in this manner "The mirror truly reflects the way that people see us."

Looking into the mirror has become a guilty habit( what does guilty habit mean?

- A guilty habit is another way of saying "quirk". It is something that not everyone knows about you and you have no intention of letting them really know about it. Hence if they caught you, you would feel guilty because this is a side of yourself that is so personal, you try to hide it from others.

That is the quirk that the mirror helps me enhance ( enhance? I think enhance means increase...) , I look at myself in the mirror as often as I can because it is a part of my self analysis, realization, contemplation, and acceptance. ( sounds like a run-on sentence, I'm not sure!!!)

- In this case, your quirk is not a negative thing hence it enhances certain aspects of your personality.

The additions that you made are creative and are acceptable in this case. It helps to lighten the mood of the essay :-)
OP nicolezmh1997 6 / 30 8  
Oct 26, 2014   #6
Hi, Vangiespen! After you explained those terms, I find it easier for me to understand it!
And the red portion is where I make some revision. I think in the first sentence, "our selves' should get rid of a space. Is that right?

And, do those creative writing technique common in high school students' essay?
Could I use this draft as my final draft? Is there any part that I could revise it to make it a better essay?
The word limit for it is 250, and my word count for it is 265.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 26, 2014   #7
Hi Nicole, yes, make our selves one word. I did not notice that I wrote it as two words :-) I have your essay down to 250 words now. You can use this as the final version. There is no such thing as a final draft.
OP nicolezmh1997 6 / 30 8  
Oct 26, 2014   #8
Hi, Vangiespen. I really appeciate for your constant help. I am now working on other supplements for Rice University!


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