Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 5


UW short essay - "race and culture at school"



ichid99 9 / 10  
Jan 5, 2009   #1
Please critique and comment. I wrote this fairly quick so I don't think it is very good.

Describe an experience of cultural difference or insensitivity you have had or observed. What did you learn from it? (250 words)

"Today's topic is race and culture at school," the teacher announced. Sitting in a circle, surrounded by those of different cultures and skin colors, each student shared their perspective on the matter. There was no criticism or disrespectfulness, until a boy bluntly commented, "I think my culture is better than everyone else." Staring at this individual across from me, I pondered at how anyone can think of such thing. I could not understand how this individual, who shares the same cultural background as me, could think so differently. From the comment, a debate began among the students.

Statistics, stereotypes, and personal opinions were tossed into the debate. The atmosphere and the conversations made me feel incredibly uncomfortable, yet I was able to gain great insights into other cultures. The differences that risen brought me closer to understanding others and appreciate the differences between us. My efforts and the efforts whole class were eventually able to change the boy's mind, but from this experience every one of us learned something valuable.

This experience broadened my horizon. I learned that each of us is different and that I should not assume anything about anyone. From the conversations, I am more open minded to other cultures and gained an appreciation for the differences that makes up every individual. The most important lesson that day was that if enough effort is put into a matter, I can make a change occur, not just to the opinion of a boy, but to the world and the people around me.

EF_Constance - / 136  
Jan 5, 2009   #2
The differences that brought me closer to understanding others and appreciate the differences between us.

GREAT JOB!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 5, 2009   #3
"Today's topic is race and culture at school ," the teacher announced. Sitting in a circle, surrounded by peers of different cultures and skin colors, each student shared their perspective on the matter.

Wow, very interesting! When does cultural pride become racism? Or, is cultural pride a form of racism? Interesting. Your essay is a winner, with 3 strong paragraphs.

I think I would like to see you add one sentence to yhe beginning... a new first sentence... one that captures the theme of the essay, the central truth. That way, the rest of the essay will serve to explain this single idea. However, it is good the way it is. Oh, I know, instead of giving a first sentence, give it a title that expounds the idea of equality within diversity.
jenf3r 3 / 15  
Jan 5, 2009   #4
Its a good piece

Just my 2 cents but maybe try to incorporates some specifics. Like the major new thing you learned in all that comotion that was life changing of contradicting.

best of luck
EF_Sean 6 / 3460  
Jan 5, 2009   #5
Your topic is, in general terms, the sort of thing you want to write about for this sort of essay, and your sentiments are certainly in keeping with the prevailing academic paradigm. However, if you want to stand out from all of the other applicants who will be submitting virtually identical pieces, you should definitely add some specifics, including, but not limited to, the boy's cultural background; his argument, if any, in support of his beliefs; and the main argument you and your peers used to change the boy's mind. You also might want to elaborate on what about the discussion made you uncomfortable, as well as how you overcame that discomfort (if in fact you did). And, of course, it would be helpful to know what understanding of others you gained, as well as what specific differences between cultures you came to appreciate.


Home / Undergraduate / UW short essay - "race and culture at school"
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳