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Raised in front of a computer monitor - Engineering app for UW


Katlynedwards 8 / 21  
Jun 29, 2011   #1
Describe how you could bring a broad perspective to the engineering classroom. Factors to discuss include, but are not limited to: multi-cultural awareness, activities, or accomplishments; educational background and goals; living experiences, such as growing up in a disadvantaged or unusual environment; and special interests or talents. (Limit to 1500 characters, approx. 250 words).

So, first off, I'm way over the word limit :/ There's so much to say! Could you guys help me cut my essay down? Also, I have absolutely no idea where to begin for a conclusion, so I just ended it, which I feel like is really bad style. Can someone help give me ideas for a conclusion? Thanks :]

The massive eggshell white monitor with its forbidding black glass loomed in front of me. At the time, I was about three years old, waiting as patiently as any three-year-old child could for my "Mickey's ABC's: A Day at the Zoo" game to load onto the old family Windows DOS machine. This now antique game, which used pixilated images with unnaturally bright colors, was by far my favorite. At least three times a week I would pester my mom to help me load up the game, which required typing in a long and arduous code into the command line, in order to "help Mickey Mouse and Goofy recover the zoo animals that were accidentally let out of their cages".

Computer technology for the three-year old version of myself was all about playing games. But with my parents working in the technology hub of Seattle, I also discovered the business side of technology. As soon as I knew about typing on home row, I was running basic business programs. I have many memories of being in the car with my mom, while she spoke on her cell phone with brokers, and I would run the quotes for her on her laptop. Little did I know that what I thought was fun, following directions, pushing buttons, reading results, was fueling the passion I now have to pursue a career in the computer science industry.

Later, when I was eight, my family moved to the small town of Sequim Washington, a small retirement community for the elderly. Here I discovered a different side of technology. The computer tasks that I found simple had to be explained from various points of view. Not everyone "grew up" in front of a computer monitor. I was a volunteer at many events, helping the elderly with various computer problems. This showed me a whole new perspective of technology than I had become accustomed to. I learned how to break down the steps that I took almost automatically in to smaller steps that were easy and intuitive to follow. Accompanied with reasoning and descriptions, I was able to explain topics to those who needed help.

amrosca 4 / 130  
Jun 29, 2011   #2
Hei Katlyn! :D

To be quite honest, the word limit sucks big time ._. If you could have finished the essay in about 500 words it would have been perfect.

But since you must do half of that, I'd say you summarize the first and second paragraphs into just one since both have something to do with your childhood. You could for example start with the story of you and your mum in the car and then just add the ending of the second para. The third one I think you should leave as it is now. And I think the best conclusion would be you mentioning your future plans.

Good luck at getting in that school! :3
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jun 30, 2011   #3
The massive eggshell white monitor with its forbidding black glass loomed in front of me.

nice!!

Hey, let's look at the whoosh of the essay:
Later, w When I was eight, my family moved to the small town of Sequim Washington, a small retirement community for the elderly. Here I discovered a different side of technology.----I think nothing is lost if you kill that word later. By cutting it we add a lot of whooooosh.

Capitalize:
"Help Mickey Mouse and Goofy recover the zoo animals that were accidentally let out of their cages."

If the reader has any sense, s/he will recognize your potential! :-)


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