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reduce words - "Which of your current or previous teachers do you admire"



akulz 3 / 5  
Dec 28, 2011   #1
I need help in reducing some words on this essay PLEASE, I like'em all but needs to be within 250 words, any ideas? Thank you ^^

Since I was child, become a high school teacher was my dream. To me teaching others is really fun, like all my elementary teachers. But unlike those nice teachers who were so kind in answering questions and helping students, I got so discouraged and lost interest in teaching because of one particular teacher I met in high school. He believes the "math" is only superior subject in academic. And yes, he does have a great gift in math. But watching him being arrogant and making fun of students who doesn't understands made me sick and got me reconsider of teaching. On top on that, more discouraging came from my parents opposing what teachers makes in salary and watching most of female teachers hurrying back home got me thinking it is not a fun job as once I thought. I guess I never realized that to become a good teacher not only requires knowledge but also requires passion, affection, competence and patience. As I was despaired and reconsidering in medical field, my affection sparkled again when I met my physic teacher in governor class. Being in governor class, we are supposedly smart but physic is something we all struggles, right? Ok, except few kids. But no matter how often we ask and bother, he never got tired of our questions, but rather he was happy and dedicated to teach us. He once said that we shouldn't be embarrassed of not understanding because he too still studies since learning has never ending. But most encouraging and aspiring word he said was he thanks to all students for being eager to learn and that inspires him more to teach. It is because of him, I was able to get back on my long dream that could've been lost. Moreover, I found solid purpose why I really want to become a teacher, who can contribute to others and hope I can say the same one day.

This has little over 320 words and don't know what to omitt^^

music920 6 / 23  
Dec 28, 2011   #2
I think you should focus more on why/how your physics teacher impacted you and re-sparked your passion for teaching. Maybe cut down on your introduction where you talk about other teachers who discouraged you - an admissions officer reading this may be confused and think you're not answering the prompt if you don't make it clear at the beginning who it is that inspired you. Elaborate more on why he set an example for you or inspired you. Good work though! (:

Help me with mine please
tehfunkicookie 19 / 49  
Dec 28, 2011   #3
I think it's a very good essay. The contrast in teachers and your opinions and own personal thoughts/emotions over each one makes this essay really personal, but I think it would be even better if you just omitted the bad teacher because I think when reading your essay, introducing your bad teacher first makes it kind of boring to read. Although I did read your whole essay, I think maybe if you just talked about your good teacher and how he encouraged or enhanced your interests or desire to become a teacher would really improve your essay. Maybe including some contrast like saying, "Unlike my mean or arrogant math teacher, your physic teacher...".

Good luck =)
OP akulz 3 / 5  
Dec 28, 2011   #4
WOW, that just clears my mind, That is so right, should shorten about bad teacher and focus more of good and inspiring.

Thank you, tehfunkicookie :) and to music920^^


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