Hey all, I would really appreciate some feedback on this essay I'm putting together for Georgetown. It gave me some difficulty, and I'm not sure if I approached it from the right direction, so some comments would really be appreciated! Thanks so much.
Please relate your interest in studying at Georgetown University to your future goals. How do these thoughts relate to your chosen course of study?
I have thought about this prompt perhaps more than any other part of my college applications, and have come to realize that the explanation for why I want to attend Georgetown boils down to one simple thing; Georgetown excites me! Initially I was reluctant to accept such a basic statement, but while the three words are modest they are a culmination of every single aspect of the university which captivates and thrills me. I am applying to Georgetown because it brings my passions and dreams to life, and excites me about every facet of my future. I have many goals and hopes for what lies ahead in my life, but first and foremost I dream of enrolling at a school which will engage my passion for academics, history in particular, and aid me in the process of becoming a great educator. Georgetown is the perfect institution to make this future come to life.
As a history major, the number of unique, interesting, and rigorous courses offered is alone enough to encourage me to apply. How could one turn down the chance to study at a school that offers classes in everything from 'History of Baseball and American Society' to 'The Crusades: A Mediterranean View' and 'American Foreign Policy in the Age of Jefferson'? It is these types of unique and thought-provoking classes that make me want to shout from the rooftops that yes, history is amazing, and no it does not have to be boring! Studying history for the past three years at the college level has given me a deep love and appreciation for the past, and my intense studies have transformed what was once merely a minor interest into an obsession with understanding the human condition and the development of modern thoughts, ideals, cultures, and ways of life. Georgetown's famed curriculum will immerse me in the annals of history, giving me the tools and knowledge I need to obtain the honest view of the world around me that I crave.
Apart from being attracted to Georgetown's incredible history program, I can't resist the chance to study at a school which is itself a part of, and surrounded by history. Washington DC is the Mecca of American history, the specific area of history I am most interested in, and Georgetown is also only hours away from many other of the most influential and important cities in the world. The mere idea of walking in the footsteps of the men and women who founded this country is enough to give me the chills and illicit a sheepish grin. Further, Georgetown's reputation as an academically cutting-edge school with an eclectic atmosphere entices me to no end. I love the idea of attending a school that is not only at the frontier of all research, but also holds a diverse student body and faculty; Georgetown is known for housing professors, staff, and students from every imaginable walk of life. The older I become the more I crave the opportunity to understand the world from perspectives different than my own, and through Georgetown and its vibrant community and comprehensive style of education this can be achieved.
With my passion for history realized, there is one clear path for me to follow, and that is the pursuit of teaching. I need to inspire others the same way I have been inspired, to expose others to the joys that history and academics hold, and show them what wonderful feelings can be experienced by studying them! As a volunteer teacher's assistant for a history professor at my current college I have had the opportunity to live this out, learning the joy of teaching, the art of communication, and the responsibility that comes with holding a student's education in one's own hands. This experience has been eye-opening on many levels, and because of it I know emphatically that teaching is not only what I want, but what I was meant to do. An education at Georgetown will prepare me for the wonderful burden of challenging future generations to think by challenging me to think, and gifting to me the most comprehensive, demanding, and fulfilling education in the world. I hope to be a great historian and educator one day, and earning my undergraduate degree in history at Georgetown is the best way I can begin.
Awesome, Eric. Thanks for contributing such great work to EssayForum...
A colon would be god here:
...to one simple thing: Georgetown excites me! ---Hmmmm... yes, but why? It must be due to some interplay of what it offers and what you have established as your goals. The whole thing presupposes that you have begun to make a plan. These essays test you to see how well you are planning your education... and how much you are reading about your chosen field.
As a history major, the number of unique, interesting, and rigorous courses offered is alone enough to encourage me to apply. ---Okay, this is the part I was looking for. Let's hear about the plan...
How could one turn down the chance to study at a school that offers classes in everything from 'History of Baseball and American Society' to ...oh, okay, you win. I was going to criticize you if I could, but you did a great job with that paragraph... very good writing, there.
Did you use "gift" as a verb on purpose, or is it a typo?
...and gifting to me the most ...---I think it is not wrong... I think you can use gift as a verb, but it's just weird. maybe I am wrong... but I think it should just say "giving"...
Okay, well, you did great. By my method of judging these things, I think you scored a 9 out of 10. You would get a 10 if you specified a few more short term goals and an even more detailed plan.
You are a great writer!
