Religion and anthropology have recently become interests for me - Personal Statement

IHaile 6 / 21

Oct 8, 2014 #1

Prompt- Write a personal statement that shows you'd be a great student - to persuade unis and colleges to accept you on their course. 1,000-4,000 characters

I want to apply to the University of Manchester because the chance to study in a unique country is an amazing opportunity. Biomedical Sciences is a personal favorite subject, and being able to actually use the skills you learn about sounds like something that I would love. Taking a hands-on approach to learning is something that I am very familiar with, and a learning style that I will hopefully continue to utilize in college. When I finish my course, I hope to find a career in research, specifically in oncology or genetic disorders.

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vangiespen - / 4077

Oct 9, 2014 #2

iHaile, this is a very good attempt at writing a personal statement. However, the prompt asks you to write a generic personal statement and not a university centered one. So you should revise the beginning of the essay to reflect that. Also, you are moving too fast in the essay. You should only speak of your current areas of interest. The university is not currently interested in your future plans.

Religion and anthropology have recently become interests for me. I am currently taking a World Religions course, and plan on taking an Anthropology course next semester.

- This paragraph is misplaced in the essay. It does not fit in as a continuation topic in any paragraph. It is actually not connected at all to any of the previous paragraphs you wrote so it would be best to delete or replace this particular line.

OP IHaile 6 / 21

Oct 9, 2014 #3

I want to apply to universities in the United Kingdom because [...]

vangiespen - / 4077

Oct 9, 2014 #4

Biomedical Science is not a field of science that is commonly known to most people. Yet you show a keen interest in the field. So why not try to quickly explain how you developed and pursued your interest in the field? That way you can show how you will be a great student in the course? It may prove to be beneficial to you if you begin to discuss how you see the UK universities helping you achieve your goals. Don't forget, your immediate goals are more important than your future goals. So you should use most of the characters to discuss your plans up until immediately after graduation.

~~I volunteered in a local hospital in the emergency room, helping nurses and checking patients into the ER~~ .

- Delete this portion and try to add more information about the classes and competition you participated in. These are unique ways of showing how you will be a good student in the field since it shows your serious interest and desire to learn more about biomedical science.

I might have other suggestions to make but those will depend upon what your next draft of the essay looks like :-)

OP IHaile 6 / 21

Oct 9, 2014 #5

I want to apply to universities in the United Kingdom because the chance to study in a unique country is an amazing opportunity. Biomedical Sciences is a personal favorite subject, and being able to actually use the skills you learn about sounds like something that I would love. Taking a hands-on approach to learning is something that I am very familiar with, and a learning style that I will hopefully continue to utilize in college. When I finish my course, I hope to find a career in research, specifically in oncology or genetic disorders.

I have taken Biomedical courses at the CTE Academy, which is a learning environment for high school students containing classes that focus on specific career paths. I have also participated in Future Healthcare Professionals (HOSA), which is a competition geared towards high school students interested in healthcare and biomedical careers.

I first gained an interest in the Biomedical field through the CTE Academy, on the tour my class took through their building. The moment they mentioned cadavers, genetics, and medicine, I was hooked. Throughout the last three years, I have focused my passion on pharmacogenetics and forensic anthropology. Pharmacogenetics is the field that studies ways to tailor medicine to the patient's specific needs. Forensic anthropology is the study of human remains in order to identify the victim.

There are increasingly large differences between the United States and the rest of world. Some differences are good, and some are bad. But there is a larger sense of a global community outside of the United States, and I want a chance to experience that.

For the rest of my senior year, I plan to take one more Biomedical class, along with a college Chemistry course and two other college courses. I also plan on interning either the local hospital or research facility.

vangiespen - / 4077

Oct 9, 2014 #6

~~Pharmacogenetics is the field that studies ways to tailor medicine to the patient's specific needs. Forensic anthropology is the study of human remains in order to identify the victim.~~

- Don't give the admissions officer a lecture. Whether he is familiar with the topic or not should be a consideration for you to address so you need to find a way to restate this without lecturing. Remember, when you are not sure if an expert will be reading your paper, it is best to leave the professional terms out of the essay.

There are increasingly large differences between the United States and the rest of world. Some differences are good, and some are bad. But there is a larger sense of a global community outside of the United States, and I want a chance to experience that.

- Can you somehow relate this to the future education you hope to aquire?

For the rest of my senior year, I plan to take one more Biomedical class, along with a college Chemistry course and two other college courses. I also plan on interning either the local hospital or research facility.

- For what reason? To build upon your educational foundation? I think it would be good for your essay to read something about you preparing to immerse yourself in the British culture. Something along the lines of participating in British fairs, exhibits, etc. You will have the characters to do this once you delete the lecture on the definition of terms.

I hope my suggestions work for you :-)