Why research seemingly obscure things? For science! -- Engineering at Yale

This is my ChemE Engineering Essay for Yale. I would greatly appreciate it if someone were to read over it for content and grammar. Thanks!

PROMPT: If you selected one of the engineering majors, please write a brief essay telling us what has led you to an interest in this field of study, what experiences (if any) you have had in engineering, and what it is about Yale's engineering program that appeals to you.

I was in the chemistry lab, studying the effect of change in concentration of potassium iodate on the rate of reaction of the Briggs-Rauscher oscillating reaction for a research paper. As I watched the beaker full of clear solution slowly turn yellow, then blue, then yellow and so on, I asked my chemistry teacher, "Why am I investigating this reaction?"

For science!

Why go to the moon? We don't know what the results of our work may be when we study these seemingly obscure things. This oscillating reaction offers us an opportunity to better our understanding in the kinetics and mechanisms behind a reaction, since it demonstrates that chemical reactions don't always undergo equilibrium thermodynamic behavior. From a pure science point of view, this is very interesting. However, it has no practical application yet. But who knows?

After all, had we not decided to go to the moon, there wouldn't have been any cellphones or GPS. These things exist today thanks to pure science explorations. Who knows what real world applications the oscillating reaction might have in the future?

hi I think you have a great essay. straightforward and sweet. So is the oscillating experiment what sparked you to be interested in the field? or is it because of Dr. Fenn? or is there another reason? That part of the prompt wasn't answered clearly. I'm also not sure about your line about hoodie-wearing students. It might just be me being ignorant but whats so special about hoodie-wearing students? There are hoodie-wearing students in every other college. Is it a special thing that only Yale does? good luck :D

"Why am I investigating this reaction?"" --> it's a bit awkward. Change to something more colloquial.


I think it'd be better if you combined these paragraphs into one...

"Interested in developing and applying theoretical concepts in our real world, I have been inspired by Dr. Fenn's story to further my interest in research..." --> The phrase is a bit awkward. Maybe change it to "After learning about Dr. Fenn, I am inspired to do the same. I want to discover, develop, apply theoretical concepts, just as Dr. Fenn did..."

"To be able to study engineering at Yale is unique in many ways" Consider revising it to "Studying to become an engineer at Yale is a unique opportunity that provides an incredible amount of resources." then go on to talk about how one such resource is the 1:1 faculty to student ratio.

I really like your last paragraph. However, I have to agree with krcheng that the "Amongst a group of fun and brilliant hoodie-wearing students" portion seems...too common. You can find a group of fun and brilliant hoodie-wearing students at any good college...Perhaps change this to a different description.

Now, about your intro. I have a sense that you want the intro to be a little comical... compared to the common language, the elaborate description of the chemical reaction is bizarre and throws the reader off balance, which is a great way to catch his or her attention. But right now, I feel there is something lacking in this paragraph. Try to describe more.

--> "It was a normal day in the chemistry lab. I was studying the effect of change in concentration of potassium iodate on the rate of reaction of the Briggs-Rauscher oscillating reaction for a research paper. I watched the clear solution in the beaker change colors, from blue to yellow, then yellow to blue. Nothing else happened. This went on for a couple of minutes; that's when I turned to my chemistry teacher and asked her, "What's the point of looking at this reaction? It's just changing colors."

That was a rather crude and rough substitution, but you get the idea.

Nice essay, overall!