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'respect and self motivation' - My biggest challenge I have to overcome essay


gera 1 / -  
Apr 23, 2012   #1
TOPIC:
There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

Essay:
On the breakfast table I told my mom that I was going to be an honor graduate, knowing that it would be easier for me to get into an university; she gave me a pat on the back and responded frowning "but you won't be able to because our legal status". Many challenges I have faced in my life like learning a new language and assimilating a new culture, making new friends and adapting to a new environment, but by far the most difficult is to accept the fact that I won't be able to succeed once I finish school.

Overcoming some of this challenges have helped me build my confidence, some others have helped me become a stronger individual and some others have helped me strive for success, but what has had the most influential power on me is my family with all their morals and expectations, always expecting from me to fight for a better future, always encouraging me to be better than other people yet doing it with a humble heart and helping them throughout this path.

Here in Texas I found what friends really meant. During this lapse of time I have made incredible lifelong friends that have supported me in my lows and highs without judging nor criticizing me and always encouraging me to stay in school saying that it's fun to be in school since not everybody necessarily needs to be an academic robot "you can always balance academics and fun"

Through honesty, respect and self motivation I have overcome many challenges, I like looking back at my childhood when I asked my mom why we were coming to the united states and she replied with a smile said "we are in search of a better future". A better and brighter future is what I'm striving for, with challenges or without them I have people in my life that are willing to support me and help me achieve my dreams.

~not an excuse but I haven't been in school in two years lol... I know I have a bunch of mistakes but I don't know how to fix them.

Thank you guys ت

EF_Susan - / 2,365 12  
Apr 25, 2012   #2
OnAt the breakfast table I told my mom that I was going to be an honor graduate, knowing that it would be easier for me to get into an university;

she gave me a pat on the back and responded frowning "but you won't be able to because our legal status". This first sentence is a bit too long and needs revision

Many challenges I have faced in my life like learning a new language and assimilating a new culture, making new friends and adapting to a new environment, but by far the most difficult task is to accept the factnotion that I won't be able to succeed once I finish school.

There are a few grammatical errors here and there; understandably so considering English is your second language! Otherwise, it is clear and thorough and I think with just a bit of revision for clarification, you will have here a terrific essay. Good job!


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