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'Responsibility shapes me' - Code honor-(Trintiy College essay)


yf8651 16 / 31  
Dec 26, 2009   #1
Feel free to comment and please help correct my grammar error.
I do not know whether this essay flow smoothly since some materials come some another essay?

Prompt-Trinity's Integrity Contract articulates our expectations of honesty, personal responsibility, active consideration of others, and respect for our community. What personal "integrity contract" do you employ in your own life?

Chinese society has highly valued code of conduct since two thousand years ago, when Confucius proposed the idea of "Li", a set of strict principles that define what honorable conduct of individuals is. Influenced by such traditional culture, I stick to various components of honor code naturally, from honesty to respect, since they have become my habits rather than obligations. Among all the standards, "responsibility" matters most as the pillar of my integrity contract.

My parents worked late every day and could not cook supper for me in time. One night many years ago, they did not arrive at home when it was 8 o'clock. Nearly driven mad by hunger, I ferreted in the kitchen for food but got nothing to eat except some raw vegetables and meat. It seemed I had to cook by myself. "No!" something echoed in my head, "cooking is not your responsibility! You are still a little boy. " However, the stereotype did not prevail over instinct. The instinct of eat urged me to cook. For the first time in my life, I became a chef. Though the food I cooked was very odd, it appeased my hunger after all. More importantly, I felt great when my parents, surprised and blessed, enjoyed my food.

Since then, my view towards responsibility changed. I began to assume more duties, which benefit others and me. This allows people to trust me and thus regard me as a responsible person. At school, I ran for monitor and commissary in charge of studies and held the positions for six years. The positions make me better realize who I am and what I can do despite heavy loads of work and duties. In addition, I got great pleasure from the responsibility, like the time when I sacrificed my lunchtime help classmates with their homework, when I volunteered in School Chorus Competition as a conductor, a role I was unfamiliar with but soon managed to master, when I found that no other classmates knew the conducting kills.

Responsibility shapes me. I devote myself to the integrity contract of responsibility, owing not as much to the requirement of traditional Chinese cultures, as on the fact that it brings me a rich and rewarding life.
Cermi 4 / 12  
Dec 27, 2009   #2
when it was 8 o'clock > until 8 o'clock

instict of eat > Instinct to eat

Otherwise it seems to be good.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 1, 2010   #3
...set of strict principles that define what honorable conduct for individuals.

My parents worked late every day and could not cook supper for me in time.

BEFORE you write this sentence, introduce paragraph 2 with a sentence that includes the word responsibility again. Start para #2 with a sentence that has "responsibility" in it, and then let this sentence be the second sentence of paragraph 2.

:-)

I'll add some dashes below for this long sentence:
In addition, I got great pleasure from my practice of responsibility; this includes a time when I sacrificed my lunchtime help classmates with their homework, and when I volunteered in the School Chorus Competition as a conductor -- a role I was unfamiliar with but soon managed to master -- when I found that no other classmates knew the conducting skills .


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