The Rice School of Architecture essay to present my reasons for choose this university

This is for the Rice School of Architecture. Please comment & any feedback/critique is welcome. I'm not a huge fan of my ending/last paragraph but I can't think right now (huge migraine ><) so I'm completely open to all suggestions. Thanks!

With the understanding that the choice of academic school you indicated is not binding, explain why you are applying to that particular school of study.

Rice - "why this college?" essay

When my sister played with Barbie dolls and held tea parties, I sat on the same carpet playing with Lego. It's impossible to say that I'm an instant match for architecture simply because I grew up playing with Lego instead of dolls, but I hold Lego responsible for fostering my fascination for creating and building things. What can you do with Barbie dolls anyway? They stare you with the same facial expression and blonde hair every day. With Lego I was creating my own unique shapes each time I poured the pieces out of the box.

In my very first design technology class in middle school I clearly remember the excitement that bubbled inside me as I found out that we would be designing and making our own "products". My juvenile fascination was an academic subject! I thrived in my design and technology classes through middle and high school, mostly due to the nature of the class. It is one of those classes in school that lets your imagination run wild, but unlike English or Drama, it was the only class where the fruits of your imagination were concrete. It also happened to be the only class that did not involve consistent, feverish note taking; instead it was practical and hands-on. By managing our own unique design projects, everyone played an active role in their learning and any mistakes or setbacks were simply another lesson to be learnt. As a student, this brought me great success as I achieved the finest balance between enjoyment and motivation in design technology; I became living proof that one of the key factors to success is having a strong interest in the topic. Naturally, as human psychology dictates, an interest will indicate enjoyment which will then fuel motivation and we all know that success and motivation go hand in hand.

Architecture certainly does not mimic high school design technology classes but through it I will be able to pursue my fascination for building things in an academic context. Constructing models is only a small portion of architecture, but my keen interest will drive my motivation towards successfully acquiring all the skills necessary of a professional architect. Someday, I hope to eventually turn my childhood fascination for Lego into an immaculate structure which will serve as my microscopic mark on the world and Rice School of Architecture is where I see it all begin.

i tend to have issues with excessive commas so i'm never too sure how many to put in. is 3-4 commas in one sentence too many? because my english teacher used to put big red circles around a lot of my commas and say they weren't necessary... :S