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All roads lead to Rome. Share about a person who greatly influenced your life and why?


bertcylau 2 / 3 1  
Oct 7, 2014   #1
Please give me some pointer for my College Application Essay.

Prompt- Describe a person who has had an influence on you, and share with us why and/or how the person has influenced you (300 words).

As I go through the now yellow photo album which holds fond memories of my childhood, I cannot help but take notice of certain pictures: my third birthday at Burger King, the trip to Iceland, and a bunch of pictures that depict adolescent years. Flipping through the pages I find myself struck by a particular picture. It is one of my mother, and in her arms lies a tiny, helpless lifeform of no more than one kilogram.

Whenever my future is at stake, I know that I can count on her to go the extra mile. As a child, I was hyperactive and intensely curious; therefore, I was easily distracted and it was hard for me to excel or even fit comfortably into the rigid Singapore education system. However instead of attempting to make me conform to the system through the use of corporal punishment, she made a bold move of transferring me to a private school where I was given the opportunity to work at my own pace. Initially I was not keen on transferring to that school as such a curriculum was unknown to me, and also because I would be faced with the challenge of adapting to a new environment. Despite my uncertainty, I realized this was a chance to move forward. Soon, I adapted to this new curriculum and my grades and character transcended.

I believe that her giving me this opportunity has vastly influenced my thinking that one must conform to a route that is deemed acceptable by the society in order to succeed. This has helped me gain confidence and develop a mindset that it is sometimes beneficial to step out of one's comfort zone and find a path that is best suited to one's needs. Just as the idiom goes, "all roads lead to Rome."

sa1na 9 / 72 19  
Oct 7, 2014   #2
The concpet sensitive; however, you should work on it, emphasizing your mother's influence more. The essay do not care about your childhood or school or grade. Why your mother? just because she gave you this mindset? this desciption and reasons are not enough.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 7, 2014   #3
Bert, your essay was going swimmingly before you made a grammatical error that totally destroyed the whole essay. I am going to discuss it below.

I believe that her giving me this opportunity has vastly influencedmy thinking that one must conform to a route that is deemed acceptable by the society in order to succeed. This has helped me gain confidence and develop a mindset that it is sometimes beneficial to step out of one's comfort zone and find a path that is best suited to one's needs. Just as the idiom goes, "all roads lead to Rome."

The highlighted portion is the part that made your essay fall apart. All the while you were telling us that your mother supported you and transferred you to another school to help you. She did not use corporal punishment nor did she force you to conform with the educational system. Yet in this paragraph you are telling us that she taught you the value of conformity? Do you see the problem here? You need to revise this paragraph in order to save the whole essay.
OP bertcylau 2 / 3 1  
Oct 7, 2014   #4
oops thats a typo. Should be " one must not conform to a route that is deemed acceptable by the society


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