Rochester Supplement Essay- How I will contribute to Rochester.

Hi, this essay is part of my supplement to Rochester University. I feel it is a bit weak since the prompt confused me a little. I tried combining personal experience with a proposed research plan. Feedback will be much appreciated!

Thanks!

Saad

Rochester students represent many different points of view. Each student constructs an indenpendent study and research plan. Describe what you will contribute in Rochester's diversity in ideas, experiences and identities. If you can, incorporate a positive past experience where you chose your own learning path, or a negative experience where you wanted to exercise more independence.

A significant part of my undergraduate studies at Rochester will be devoted to carrying out an independent research study. I am very curious about the extent to which home remedies are effective in curing every day illnesses.

Whenever I have a cold, my father tells me to gargle with warm salt water and take steam over a boiling kettle. However, I find these remedies to be ineffective against pharmaceuticals. Despite this experience, I want to carry out a research study to evaluate to what extent these home remedies are effective in combating everyday maladies such as colds, stomach illnesses and infections. I find that I can carry this out under the guidance of excellent mentors at Rochester's research-oriented environment. Thus, I will find out for myself how effective the treatments my father prescribes are.

Move the "whenever I have a cold" story to the beginning, I think it will draw the reader into your story more, and it gives a nice introduction

I feel like all the "I will be able to" statements should be changed to simply "I want", as it gives a more personal feel to your aspirations

best of luck!
Please give some feedback on my essays!

Yes, too short.

However, I find these remedies to be ineffective against in comparison with pharmaceuticals. Despite Because of this experience, and also because of my _____________, I want to carry out a research study to evaluate to what extent these home remedies are ...

This is a great idea for a study. You might have to narrow it down to a few selected remedies or to remedies from a particular culture.

:-) Write a little more detail about the study and how you will make use of the resources at the school.