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'Run, study, cry, yell, and learn' - Favorite place to get lost (UVA) - Music



vishnuv1228 2 / 2  
Sep 30, 2012   #1
Please critique this essay and tell me if it's too confusing too follow or what else I could add to make it stronger.

Discuss your favorite place to get lost.
I sit snuggly onto my cozy, familiar armchair and heave a sigh of relief. After a hard day's work, I allow myself to get lost into the world of music. I gingerly place my near-dilapidated set of headphones onto my head and escape reality. Immediately, the music begins with a soothing melody singing me to sleep the first minute and later drags me into a whirlpool of chaos. I drift and nod my head slightly as my music progresses, never ceasing to captivate me. Like a seesaw, my emotions sway from a state of pure ecstasy to one pumped with adrenaline. I often get lost in music: I listen incessantly and lose all track of time. Every time I exit these long listening sessions, I feel like I've undergone catharsis: a cleansing of the mind. Groggily, I take off my headphones and rub my ears. Listening to music before bed puts my mind at ease. Music is like a long, worn path ï some stretches of track are well-paved and structured while others are bumpy and haphazard. Structure and chaos are two conflicting elements that are entrenched in my music ï one follows standard composition while the other deviates from it. Music is an outlet for me to release my frustration and pent-up stress. I run to music. I study to music. I cry to music. I yell in joy to music. I learn from music.

Jennyflower81 - / 674  
Sep 30, 2012   #2
I sit snugly into my cozy, familiar armchair and heave a sigh of relief. After a hard day's work, I allow myself to get lost in the world of music. I gingerly place my near-dilapidated set of headphones onto my head and escape reality.

Immediately, the music begins with a soothing melody singing me to sleep the first minute and later drags me into a whirlpool of chaos.
This sentence sounds odd, re-word this part, I like the idea, but it is hard to understand "whirlpool of chaos" because the reader does not know what you are referring to. Maybe if you explain that say, heavy metal music creates this effect.

I drift and nod my head slightly as my music progressesnever ceasing toand completely captivates me.

I often get lost in music. I listen incessantly and lose all track of time. Every time I exitT hese long listening sessions, I feel like I've undergoneare the best form of catharsis: a cleansing of the mind. Music is an outlet for me to release my frustration and pent-up stress . Music is an outlet for me to release my frustration and pent-up stress. I run to music. I study to music. I cry to music. I yell in joy to music. I learn from music
.

Work on the final sentence, try to come up with something more profound, explain how music has made you stronger or given you the the motivation to do so many things.


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