Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 3


Runnins, values, experiences and goals - Samford Essay Corrections/ Recommendations?



sls61 /  
Sep 30, 2010   #1
Please attach to your application a personal essay reflecting your values, experiences and goals. With these in mind, what role would Samford play in your future? This personal essay helps Samford become acquainted with you as an individual in ways different from courses, grades, test scores and other objective data. In addition, it provides a measure of your writing ability and critical-thinking skills. This personal essay will be used in conjunction with objective data when determining admission status. Your personal essay should have a minimum of 250 words.

As I drove through the Samford campus gates and entered the tree lined campus, I knew there was something special about this school. It wasn't the fact that I thought the brick buildings were gorgeous, or the football field looked like it was where many football victories took place, it was the fact that it looked like a home. With family, faith and the fulfillment of goals guiding the way I live my life, I feel that Samford would be the perfect spot for me. Not only would I be able to experience community and establish life-long relationships with teachers and students, I would be able to challenge myself to become spiritually and intellectually stronger.

Spending almost everyday over the summer with someone creates a strong bond between people. For the past three summers, I have had the opportunity to train and create memories with a group of girls on my school volleyball team. The loyalty, trust and compassion we have for each other is amazing and they are like another family to me. By being on a team, I have realized the importance of what it means to have a support system and how it helps to establish commitment and dedication. I know that spending my college years at Samford would continue to develop that sense of diligence in me because of the way I would have the opportunity to interact with my teachers and fellow students. By having relationships that keep me accountable and that require me to keep someone else accountable, I am able to stay devoted and committed. This commitment is what helps me to fulfill any goals I put in front of myself.

In the past year, I have discovered a love of running. This may have stemmed from growing up watching my mom and her passion for it. I can remember going to watch her cross the finish line at various races and cheering her on as she pushed herself to reach her goal. One of my most recent goals is to finish the Disney Half marathon in January of 2011. Although I know it will be difficult and will require a lot of hard work, I know I can do it. Much like my goal to finish a thirteen mile race, I have aspirations to be successful in college and receive a degree in Accounting. While I expect to face many challenges in the rigor of required classes, I know at Samford I will be able to reach my goal. By having professors who genuinely care about me and my success I will have the opportunity to learn from them and their life experiences. Not only do I know my professors would provide great insight, they would have faith that I can reach my goals if I put my heart and soul into them.

Not only would Samford be the perfect place to be apart of a family that helps me attain my goals, it is the perfect place to strengthen my faith. By surrounding myself with thousands of other students who share the values of love, compassion and respect, my relationship with Christ has no where to go but up. The opportunities Samford presents with missions organizations, service clubs and chapels would inspire me to grow in ways that I wouldn't begin to imagine. With difficult challenges ahead, such as projects, essays and managing my time, I realize it will not be easy. But, by surrounding myself with encouraging and uplifting people, I will learn to how to take the challenge and still excel.

All in all, as I continue to discover who I want to be and what I want to achieve, my desire is to be in a place that nurtures my principles and beliefs. With the university motto of "nurturing persons for God, for learning, forever" I don't think there is a better place for me to have a home away from home than at Samford University.

bovienkid 1 / 4  
Oct 1, 2010   #2
"I knew there was something special about this school" = cliché; do not use; you should show that it is special to you. You should say that YOU are perfect for Samford, not Samford being perfect for you. "I feel that Samford would be the perfect spot for me"

"it was the fact that it looked like a home" - is that really a fact? Use another word, and make sure to define/describe what home feels like. When I think of my home, it isn't always the greatest place.

Spending almost everyday over the summer with someone creates a strong bond between people.
Spending time with someone almost everyday [anytime, not just summer]can create a strong bond between two.

of girls who are on my school's volleyball team

"The loyalty, trust and compassion we have for each other is amazing and they are like another family to me." - you have to show this. Saying then and following with your next sentence is a common structure that is not only overused, but ineffective.

any goals I put in front of myself.face .

This may have. You need to say what it stems from. If you are unsure, then how do you think that makes me feel?

One of my most recent goals is . I want to finish the Disney...

require a lot of hard work... Be careful using "a lot." How much is a lot? What if a bottle of water is a lot of water to me, while it is too little for you? A lot is indefinite, so revise this... following this.. "I know I can do it".. You have to say why, and show why you are capable, otherwise your statements and claims have no weight.

"Not only do I know my professors would provide great insight, they would have faith" how do you know that?

Those are the basic ideas that you should think about throughout the essay! =]
Good luck
Jaron
donrocks 5 / 120  
Oct 1, 2010   #3
There are a lot mistakes as suggested by Jaron but, the content seems to very weak and boring. It feels like a laundry list of things which provide no meaning what so ever.

You show no research on the school in your essay. You show no key interests in any particular student organization or on going researches which interests you. You have not mentioned your major and how this college would give you an ideal platform for widening your horizon.

I suggest that, you rework it completely and write more knowledgeably this time. Hope this helps :)


Home / Undergraduate / Runnins, values, experiences and goals - Samford Essay Corrections/ Recommendations?
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳