Hi i need some input on this essay.thanks! Also im trying to apply to an international school so i need to some how convey that i have a strong sense of being an american( im having trouble on this part)
describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music,
science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influences
"Saih maht geanguh", would be my childhood hero's infamous catch phrase. I idolized this figure because he was equal parts cunning, brave and immortal holding the ability to transform into 72 objects, cloud travel and summersault great distances. Born from a rock nourished by the elements of earth he has become one of the most worshiped mischievous gods in Chinese culture. His name is Su WuKong and his catch phrase is translated from Chinese as "Why should I be scared".
In life there were many times when I looked up Su WuKong', and tried to emulate his bravery. Being raised in American culture is contrastive to the way my parents where raised in Asian culture. From a young age my mother taught to be recessive, quite and always let others talk. Unfortunately I realized this method got me nowhere and led me to be an outcast. Ultimately what lead to the transformation of my personality was using Su WuKong's "Why should I be scared" attitude from then on I became more social and not afraid to let me personality shine.
Eventually Su WuKong's hubris got him into mischief in heaven and sentenced for punishment. His penance included escorting a young monk Tan-sangdong in a journey to the west for his quest for Sutura, accompanied by Pigsy and Sandy. On their pilgrimage they encounter many "yew guays" in other words demons that lusted for Tan-sangdong's flesh of immortality.
During my own journey through middle school I became confronted with my own version of demons. It was then I was exposed to gangs and the violence it could cause, I survived the impact because differentiated right from wrong and kept myself busy with step team, volleyball and dance. However before my eyes it consumed my friend, she became a whole different person I believed our friendship was strong but I was wrong, we chose different paths and grew up. Even though I might not battle hideous eight legged demons I do feel the battle against the gang influence and preventing it from overcoming me is a demon itself in disguise.
After Su Wukong and his brothers defeat these various demons from causing harm to Tan-sangdong, the young monk always manages to bring out the good in these demons by influencing them to use their powers for good. From the legends of Su Wukong I've learned to be confident and that there are always going to be hard times in life. His influence taught me that there are always good in bad things just as there are bad in good things an equal balance of ying and yang, conveying that there is always good in all things. This highly influences the way I think now, that good is always present whether it is from over coming culture barriers, realizing right from wrong or converting yew guays to Buddhism.
hi please help =)
"Saih maht geanguh," would be my childhood hero's infamous catch phrase. I idolized this figure because he was equal parts cunning, brave and immortal, holding the ability to transform into 72 objects, cloud travel and somersault great distances. Born from a rock nourished by the elements of earth he has become one of the most worshiped mischievous gods in Chinese culture. His name is Su WuKong and his catch phrase is translated from Chinese as "Why should I be scared?"
In life, there were many times when I looked up Su WuKong', and tried to emulate his bravery. Being raised in American culture is contrastive to the way my parents where raised in Asian culture. From a young age, my mother taught to be recessive, quite and always let others talk. Unfortunately I realized this method got me nowhere and led me to be an outcast. Ultimately what lead to the transformation of my personality was using Su WuKong's, "Why should I be scared," attitude from then on I became more social and not afraid to let me personality shine.
Most of the changes i made involve the placement of commas. It is great content, and you write very well. What did they ask you to write about in the essay? Did you stick to the instructions for what to write about? I like your approach.
Hi i put the topic of what i was supposed to write about at the top of the essay
- it is the describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influences.
Did you take a look at the whole essay? I was wondering if the format i used made sense and if i answered the question properly. Thanks Kevin. =)
As far as I can tell, you answered the question perfectly.
About the topic, I'm sorry I didn't see it the first time!! My eyes passed right over it, oblivious. :)
I did look over the whole thing, but I can't spend too much time with each essay, because there are a lot of members to help! Some members are giving some feedback to other members by using the "unanswered" function to find people who need help, and then they ask for some help in return. Just link other members to your essay.
I found another sentence to improve:
This highly influences the way I think now. It reminds me that good is always present in some form or another, forms: the overcoming of culture barriers, the realization of right from wrong, or the converting of yew guays to Buddhism.
Hey ,Thanks! i understand about not being able to spend to much time on the essay =)
Thanks four your comment on my essay.
I like how your each paragraph connect to each other.
I like your story a lot. I think you can say something really interesting about Saih.
your essay is organized but if you try to tell the same story making the character look special it will work.
You can check my essay about ''the most important activity which teel something about you" . In the opening paragraph I did not directly mention my favorite activity. I talked about my experience with that acitvity and then explained why.
I think the most important line from the experience about your hero will act as a good opening sentence.
Again thankyou for your comment. I will work on my essay.
Best of luck.
Don't worry. Your essay after few days will become very special.
